How then should a young man prepare for marriage? Please read on:
You must prepare for headship
Headship in marriage is what makes the man tick. It is what makes him a man. Headship is not about you having a woman to bully, oppress, harass, or turn into a slave. Headship is a call to selfless service, love, loyalty, and nurturing your wife to be the best that she can be! Headship is about maturity. Boys don’t get married, men do. Headship is responsibility – it is not a role for the wayward, irresponsible or unserious.
Headship is spiritual leadership. The man must know God well, in order to direct his family well.
How can a man prepare for headship?
Being financially empowered
Money is a very important aspect of marriage. Don’t belittle the importance of money in marriage. As a man, you are expected to provide for your family. You are to provide money for food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, family upkeep, children’s school fees, etc. That means you must have a source of income; either a job or business. You must have a vision, be energetic, hard working, ambitious, result-oriented, effective, empowered for success.
That means you must abstain from sexual impurity, fornication, homosexuality, masturbation, and so on. Premarital sex can damage your foundation and future. If you have a problem with lust, you must deal with it while you are single otherwise you will carry the same attitude to marriage and end up fooling around. If you’ve made mistakes in the past, now is the time to repent and ask God for forgiveness. Now is the time to discipline yourself and be a good example for your family. Sexual immorality leads to many terrible things including: sexually transmitted diseases & HIV/AIDS, promiscuity in marriage (male & female), undesirable soul ties with demon-possessed people, ultimate destruction. For you to deal with lust, you must cry out to God for deliverance with sincerity in your heart. You must also cut off predisposing factors like vulgar friends, pornography (x-rated materials: movies, magazines, music, books, websites, etc). Also channel your energies into worthwhile pursuits (career, business, sports, skills acquisition, training, academics, reading, etc.) to minimize idleness and a wandering mind. Brothers, God created sex as a blessing for marriage, not outside it.
Character simply means moral strength or weakness. It is the special way in which you feel, think or act. It is all about moral firmness, self-control, integrity. What are the areas of your character you must deal with? They include Temperament: Violence must be avoided. Hitting a woman or battering her is no evidence of being macho. Some men even beat their fiancées, what then will you do in marriage? You are supposed to cherish her, not to abuse her physically. Meanness: Some men stop their wives from working or pursing a noble vision. This is wrong. Realize that a happy home is one where there is mutual understanding and personal fulfilment of purpose. Stinginess: Some people are so stingy and selfish that they think only of themselves, yet God expects you to put your spouse as your number one priority. Love is about sacrifice.
Some people are so jealous, easily suspicious and petty. This is a wrong attitude to take into marriage, so deal with it now. Humility: You must be humble enough to acknowledge that your wife is your partner. Respect her and treat her with honour. Some qualities of humility include forgiveness, kindness, courtsey, appreciation, saying I’m sorry when you make a mistake, listening to the other person’s point of view, etc.
In some cultures, women are not regarded as honorable creations of God. They are seen as second-class citizens. They are not allowed to talk, or to advance. Some in-laws treat their daughters in-law badly. Also, the male child syndrome in Africa. As a man who wants to get married, ask yourself, “what if my wife has only female children, will I still cherish her? Or will I criticize her, condemn her and look for another wife? What if she can’t have a biological baby? Am I willing to adopt?”
Physical appearance and education
Your appearance matters as a prospective suitor. Be neat, get rid of body odor. Brush your mouth well, look and smell good. Even if all you’ve got are two shirts and trousers, make effort to be presentable. Brothers be wise! Every woman wants a man she can be proud of. Furthermore, this is the right time to go to school. Get quality education, get rid of ignorance. Read widely and smartly. Attend seminars and training programmes. Get relevant training for your job or vocation, learn from experts.