When Can I start A Relationship?
Maturity is not calculated based on just how old you are. A matured person is defined in relation to his emotions, career and pursuit in life both physically and spiritually.
A christian man or lady who is thinking of having a man/lady as his or her better half should therefore be preparing himself spiritually, physically and emotionally. Marriage is meant for matured minds. People that are serious minded. A lot of marriages does not work out for the unserious mind one of both partners put into play.
I’m always amazed when a lady of 28 ask questions that shows no maturity at all to back that age. But an 18 years sometimes perform better. As you grow up, there are things you must learn in your environments, both formal and informal. Look at marriages around good or bad learn from them. See why they are good and see why they are bad.
Make attempts to keep good and matured married people of same sex with good marriages as good mentors. Ask them questions.
Read books and learn. Build your spiritual life. Build other areas of your life. Build your career.
The early times should be used for that. But for most people. It is misplacement of priority. The time that they suppose to use for building other areas of the life with all commitments, dedications and all seriousness, they rather spent in building relationship.
Relationships building takes time, efforts, and emotions. And so, it always cause distractions. This shows that people that go into it, too early may not have all round excellent success.
A brother wrote to me to take my counsel. He started a relationship at 18 with a sister who said she was still a virgin. Both of them pledged to keep their relationship pure. They were not staying in the same location.
After some times, the sister called the brother and told him that she has just lost her virginity to masturbation when she was having sexual urge. Now the brother said that since then he has been tempted to have sex with her, knowing fully well she’s is no longer a virgin.
He discussed this with her and she agreed for the love between them. I counselled a total break away from this relationship. He complained that it is hard for him to break away from this relationship, although he agreed it’s a mistake for him to opt for a relationship at this age.
Why? The relationship at first was not led by God. A relationship not instituted by God is definitely started by just the feelings of emotions. Such will end up in sin. The kind of relationship you keep with people is a clear show of the relationship you have with God.
A lady that cannot control her sexual urge but masturbates cannot keep a relationship successfully without fallen into sexual sins.
At 18 as a young guy that has not even started the pursuit of any kind of career, your pursuit is not supposed to be a relationship, but a good and steady relationship with God and your career.
So many young guys and girls that are supposed to be preparing for waec and Jamb(entrance examination into a university) or learning with concentration a trade, and also building a solid relationship with God, are into this kind of useless relationships. And they are having sex without control.
It is too early to go into a relationship at this age. How many years courtship will this guy have. An unnecessarily long courtship will either collapse or end in sin. No vision or of a certain year of marriage in view.
If an individual is found in this, he should dissolve such goaless oriented relationship and face the necessary things in his life for now. Most ladies at their own detriment go into a relationship just because other people around are into one affair or the other.
When you seek first a good relationship with God as a teenager, a godly choice for marriage will be easier at the approapraite time. A relationship at an inappropriate time of one’s life may produce lack of concentration in pursuit of other important area of one’s life, thereby not having clear success in this areas.
Marriage is for matured minds. You must wait until you’re matured in every wise for a relationship. A relationship that will not lead to marriage is a useless one and uncalled for. For sure, God will not lead any of his children into that. Definitely the flesh is the lead of such.
Let us reference God first in our life, but not man. If we make God the first priority in our lives, it will be easy to make amendment where we fail. And not considering the partner involved first.
May God give enough grace to us to make amendments in areas where we are failing.
Evang Kemi Longe