3 Things I Gave Up When I Got Married (and 3 Things I Gained!)

Being single has been one of the greatest
seasons I’ve walked through. In fact, a season of
singleness, and for some a life-long choice of
being single, can be a beautiful thing as it’s a
season you are able to live “without distraction”
as Paul spoke about in 1 Corinthians 7:35 .
The single woman gets to experience time with
the Lord in a distraction-free way. What a special
time!
Paul also mentions earlier in the chapter, that
“the unmarried woman cares about the things of
the Lord and her aim is to be holy in her body
and spirit…but the married woman has to think
about her earthly responsibilities caring about the
things of the world – and how she may please
her husband.”
There is beauty in being single and having your
heart only devoted to the Lord. However, it can
equally come with many challenges as well.
In the same way, being married can be one of the
greatest seasons to walk through also. But just
as there are hard times in being single, there are
times when marriage is just as hard. I’m grateful
I’ve walked through both these roles, and while
both have been so very amazing, both have come
with their share of difficulties.
When the challenges of either of these seasons
arrive, it’s easy to desire the other.
If you’re single and you’re reading this, just know
that marriage will take sacrifice.
If you’re married and you’re longing for the
freedom in your single days, remember what
you’ve gained when you got married. While we
may need to give things up when we get married,
we will also have amazing things on the horizon
in return that we gain.
Here are 3 things you can expect to give up when
you get married, followed by 3 things you’ll gain.
3 things you can expect to give up in marriage:

  1. 1. Undivided Devotion to Others
    One thing you can expect to give up when you
    get married, is the amount of devotion you once
    had to others.
    When I was single, I formed some significant life-
    long friendships with my girlfriends. However,
    the moment you get married, those relationships
    are not thrown out the window, but your
    marriage becomes your most important
    relationship in your life, next to the one you have
    with your Maker. When you get married, you
    must give up others that took priority over your
    husband prior to marriage.
    This includes that best friend you’ve known your
    entire life, or even your mom and dad. In fact,
    Scripture tells us that when two marry, “a man
    shall leave his father and mother and be joined to
    his wife, and they shall become one
    flesh.” ( Genesis 2:24 )
  2. 2. Priorities and Agenda
    When you get married, you must expect to give
    up your own priorities. You certainly don’t give up
    your passions, desires, and interests in life. But
    when you get married, you’ve giving up the idea
    of putting yourself first.
    When it comes to priorities when you get married,
    you now have your spouse to think of first. It’s a
    secret sauce of combing their priorities with
    yours and coming to a satisfying compromise.
    Everything done, becomes more about giving to
    your spouse, than gaining your priorities first.
    Philippians 2:3-4 says “let nothing be done
    through selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in
    lowliness of mind, in humility, let each esteem
    others better than himself. Let each of you look
    out not only for his own interest, but also for the
    interests of others.”
  3. 3. Your Role and Responsibilities
    When you meet someone and start the journey
    down the aisle, the role of a girlfriend will look
    different than a fiancé, and later as a living
    spouse. One of the things you give up when you
    get married is the role of a single women. I had
    to give up making decisions based solely for one
    person.
    This includes decisions on what to eat for dinner,
    how to spend money, and the best way to
    allocate my time.
    While we may have given up our role as a single
    woman and our responsibilities included mainly
    looking out solely for ourselves, we now have an
    influential role to play as a wife to our husbands.
    Genesis 2:18 says that God created us to be
    “help against”–supporting him in our differences.
    So, before we say I do to our future spouse, it’s
    important to understand we give up our role and
    responsibilities as a once single woman. And it’s
    common, that a new role usually requires higher
    responsibilities.
    Yet, it’s an honor to take on the role of a wife,
    you must still expect to give up your current role
    and responsibilities first as you go from living
    with a solo vision in mind, it now turns into how
    you can best be that helper for your spouse.
    3 things you can expect to gain in marriage:
  4. 1. A Prayer Life
    We are taught as Christians that prayer is part of
    a Christian life. When you get married, the
    opportunity for a richer prayer life presents itself.
    There is one thing to pray for yourself, but when
    you get married, and you realize there is an
    enemy out there that is out to “steal, kill” and
    destroy” the union of your marriage, it may push
    one to pray like never before deepening your
    prayer life.
    I encourage you to begin to increase your prayer
    life laying a level of protection of your marriage.
    Begin to study the enemy, his schemes, his
    strategies, and get ahead of any potential
    attacks. He’s coming for our marriages and
    families and is having a hey day with all the
    divorces that are so rampant in today’s society.
    Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “two are better than one…”
    and it continues in verse 12 saying “two can
    withstand him. And a threefold cord is not
    quickly broken.”
    When you get married and make your vows in
    front of the Lord, you become in a union with
    your spouse and God. So of course, the enemy
    want to destroy such a strong unity. Not only will
    prayer guard help in guarding your marriage, but
    prayer also allows you to have a deeper
    relationship with the Lord as well.
  5. 2. Learning What Loves Really Means
    Many of us experience love growing up from
    parents, siblings, and our families.
    However, when you get married, one thing you
    will gain, is whole new meaning of what love
    really means.
    The world teaches us that love is a feeling and if
    those feelings go away, it’s ok to walk away from
    your marriage. Biblical love is a choice and it’s a
    verb.
    We get a picture of what this love is in 1
    Corinthians 13:4-8 says, “Love suffers long and
    is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade
    itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely,
    does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no
    evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in
    the truth; bears all things, believes all things,
    hopes all things, endures all things. Love never
    fails.”
    God loves us in an unconditional way. When we
    mess up or fall short, His love for us remains. In
    fact, “nothing can separate us from the love of
    God.” Through God’s love for us, the hope is for
    us to gain an understanding of what love really
    means, and in turn, teach us how to love our
    spouses in a new way – in a Christlike,
    unconditional love type of way.
  6. 3. A Partner and Best Friend
    • When you get married, you are no longer alone.
      You gain a partner and best friend – a true
      companion. God specifically had this by design
      as He intentionally created companionship.
      After God created the first man, Adam, in
      Genesis, He said “it’s not good for a man to be
      alone …” (Genesis 2:18 ) It was at this moment,
      that the idea of woman was born. God looked
      over all creation and proclaimed that humankind
      needed companionship. Someone to compliment
      the man, and for the man to not live a life of
      loneliness.
      What an amazing gift from God. Someone to can
      travel with, laugh with, experience all highs and
      lows with. Someone to lean on during trialing
      times, while celebrating with someone during the
      winning times. Someone to help encourage us
      along this messy middle path here on earth.
      Someone to lead us and love us when life throws
      us into a spiral of doubt.
      I’m grateful the Lord designed us for
      companionship, and it’s a beautiful thing to gain
      in marriage.
      Embrace the Season You’re In
      Whether you’re currently single by choice, dating,
      engaged, widowed, divorced, or married, my
      prayer is that you hold on tight to the season you
      are in.
      To embrace God’s beautiful purpose for your role
      today as He has exactly where He intended you
      to be.
      Although it’s expected that we give up things
      when we walk down the aisle, there are also so
      many things to gain, and in turn, can ultimately
      bring you closer to the Lord. Not sure what God
      has in store for you today, but I encourage you
      to surrender and embrace whatever season you
      are in.
      If you’re single f you haven’t yet had to give
      anything to give up, as you’re hoping for your
      spouse to arrive, do as Samuel said to his people
      of Israel as they were anxiously awaiting a new
      king as he instructed them to, “stand, and see
      this great thing, wait and see what the Lord will
      do before your eyes” (1 Samuel 12:16 ).
      The time will come friends, where you are to
      give up and gain, but until then, stand still waiting
      patiently for God to take you from this season to
      the next, and oh how glorious it will be!
      If you’re married, ask God for a new fresh set of
      eyes. Rather than wishing on the former days of
      when you were single, ask Him to fill your heart
      with a newfound joy and love of being married.
      He is a God of abundance and wants to bless us
      as Deuteronomy 30:9 says, “The Lord again will
      take great delight in prospering you, just He did
      with your ancestors.
      Let’s embrace the season we are in, whether that
      singleness or marriage, God has you there for
      His greater purpose.
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