I picked him up at the airport just before
midnight, scruffy and weary after two days of
travel. We had been apart for a month, a decision
we prayed about and made together. Though I
stayed behind, I felt like part of what he was
doing. Questions about our commitment to each
other never entered in. It’s one of the best things
about marrying your best friend.
Follow the hashtag #bestfriend on Instagram and
you’ll find over 61 million images including pets,
marriage proposals, babies, teenagers, and more
pets. A lot of couples describe themselves with
the label “best friend” on social media before
they marry and on special occasions later on.
It isn’t until life partners live in the pressure
cooker of life together that they dig deeper than
companionship and cultivate true friendship.
Best friends aren’t born, they’re developed.
Treasured friendships usually grow over time
and through shared experiences spanning
seasons leading to uncommon understanding
between two people. Some like to think marriage
and friendship are best kept in different beds.
However, marriage between best friends takes
both matrimony and friendship to a whole new
level. Here are 5 of the best things about
marrying your best friend.
- KNOWING
Be married to the one who knows you best.
Have you ever played the Newlywed Game at a
marriage event or small group? Everyone wants
to be the couple who knows all the answers
about each other. No one wants to be the
disconnected partner who can’t remember their
lover’s favorite drive-thru order.
Ironically, recalling our favorite comedy and the
song we first danced to doesn’t always indicate
how good our married life really is. “Knowing”
goes way beyond the facts of casual friendship.
The Bible uses the same word for “knowing”
each other sexually that it uses to describe the
understanding of a person inside a love
relationship. “But whoever loves God is known
by God,” ( 1 Corinthians 8:3 ). To be genuinely
loved is to be genuinely known. To be genuinely
known is to be genuinely loved.
By learning to have full knowledge of each other,
we understand each other. Nowhere else does a
relational level of knowing reach the depths of
who we are at our core than in living life as
partners, including sharing physical intimacy with
each other. One of the best things about
marrying your best friend is the liberty a couple
finds.
The freedom of friendship expresses itself in
open communication, cooperative partnership,
and yes, unhindered intimacy. It’s so good to be
fully known by a best friend who has marriage
partner level “clearance.” - ACCEPTANCE
Choose to accept the one you love.
The love of a husband for his wife leads to
acceptance. As he exercises “agape” love for
her, he intentionally turns from other priorities,
accepting her, and joining himself to her. This
decision to attach comes from a divinely created
design to develop a best friendship. With the full
acceptance of an intimately known friend, a
husband and wife experience certain
acceptance.
Acceptance doesn’t come with a guarantee of
constant delight, cooperation, or satisfaction.
Instead, matrimony purposing to get to the best
friend level assures both partner that when the
going gets tough, the friend won’t get going. The
decision to gut it out through ups and downs
demonstrates that the relationship is more than
good company; it’s committed to stretch through
the seasons.
Honest married people will admit to having had
head shaking moments of frustration with their
spouse. They may even think back to a “different
option” who had best friend potential but didn’t
embark on the journey of seasons and years, of
highs and lows, to get to the kind of knowing you
only know in marriage. But being married to your
best friend allows for the benefit of full
acceptance across the landscape of feelings.
Being married to your best friend means, “the
two will become one flesh,” (Ephesians 5:31 ).
Husband and wife accept one another into one
another so that they join their separate lives into
a single life. We know they maintain their
uniqueness as God created them, but in a
mysterious way, being known in one flesh
overflows into being accepted in that oneness. - TRUST
Believe in the best friend next to you.
When you’re deeply known and totally accepted
by the best friend you’re married to, you get to a
level of safety you didn’t know you could reach
with another, imperfect human being. You find
yourself there at the table, in the pew, in bed, and
online. You trust.
Experiencing trust with a marriage partner
doesn’t exclude having a BFF of your same
gender. Husbands benefit from someone to hang
out with on a guy’s night. Wives find it helpful to
have a girlfriend to share with. In fact, closer
friendship with your spouse usually results in
further freedom to have a dear friend of your own
kind.
Confident belief in the trustworthy reliability of
our mate leads to a stronger bond.
Remember the early days of your relationship?
Maybe you wondered if you were really both
serious. Maybe you wondered if someone else
was moving in on your territory. Maybe you
questioned if your mate enjoyed flirting with
others. Maybe you wanted to see who was
texting. There’s no substitute for time and
testing to develop trust between friends and,
even more, between married partners.
Friendships fall apart without trust, and so do
marriages. But trust has a way of forging strong
bonds taking friendships and marriages to “best
friend” levels. - ENJOYMENT
Love being with the one you love.
God gave Adam all of creation to enjoy, but He
made a husband and wife to enjoy other
exclusively. Eve was no animal! And despite
what wives may think at times, a husband is no
animal either. While neither mate is created to
provide all the other would need, the Creator
makes it clear His carefully matched design is
intended to bring joy.
After God acknowledged man’s state of being
alone was “not good,” He responded to the need
by making a woman. Instead of being perpetually
separated from anyone who would “get” him,
God prepared a matching mate to be the kind of
partner who would be known, accepted, and
trusted. In a garden of first-born created
creatures, God brought the first one flesh union
together with an invitation to, “Enjoy each other
like no other.”
The invitation to know, receive, trust and enjoy
each other was in a class of its own. It’s as if
God forged marriage and friendship together in a
relational category all its own. So few go there
when they settle for companionship or even
relationship. To build marriage on best friendship
is to go to a sacred place.
“Adam, my friend, this is the best friend you’re
hoping for.”
“Eve, my daughter, this is the best friend you’ll be
dreaming of.”
I don’t have to be my husband’s hiking buddy,
just like he doesn’t have to be my pottery class
partner. Having our own interests makes us
more interesting! But actively pursuing shared
experiences and mutual interests moves us one
step closer to being married to our best friend.
When we live in a veiled version of harmony, less
than best friends, we miss out on God’s
invitation to fully enjoy the other half of our one
flesh union. Without pursuing depth of friendship,
husbands and wives risk hovering in shallow
layers of life together without taking the plunge
into the purest streams intended for their
oneness. No one wants to stay in murky,
standing water; it tends to stagnate. - SECURITY
Hold fast to your friend and mate.
A deep, clear quality of married life to a best
friend is a place we want to stay. Are you
suddenly feeling like your marriage is a thin
substitute for what could and should be a rich life
married to your best friend in life? If you want the
confidence and security that comes with being
one flesh this way, you’re not alone.
If you want more for your marriage, you’re
wanting exactly what God wants. He planned for
this amazing potential to move in powerful ways
in our marriages. No one can pray for a husband
like a wife or husband for a wife. No one can be
such a completely safe relationship as a wife for
a husband and a husband for a wife. Marriage
can be a safe, powerful, inspiring place to be
when you’re there with your closest friend. When
a marriage bond also becomes a best friend
bond, it’s a powerful place to be.
Rather than fear you’ve married the wrong
person or lost the chance to go deeper, be
encouraged that it’s not too late. Best friends
aren’t born, they’re developed. Your marriage
and your friendship hasn’t become all it can be
yet. There’s so much more to develop and
discover together.
Genesis 2:24 explains that when a man and
woman get together, it’s the beginning of learning
to “hold fast” to each other. Marriage is created
to be a safe place to find a sacred quality of
security.
God wants you to get to genuine #bestfriend
status in your #marriedlife. These are just five of
the best things about marrying your best friend.
Put the power of prayer and the Holy Spirit to
work to get to know, accept, trust, enjoy, and
keep the best friend you married.
By Julie Sanders
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