5 Realistic Tips for Christian Dating

Here Are 5 Realistic Tips For Christians Seeking Romance

Although the Bible has plenty to say on the institution of marriage and the responsibilities of husbands and wives, it is noticeably silent on the topic of dating. Since modern dating didn’t start until the 20th century, this makes logical. Dating has changed considerably from the turn of the century into the 21st, and to be quite honest, I’m not sure whether any of these developments have been improvements. While the narrative of Ruth and Boaz in the Bible is sometimes idealized, modern loves and marriages seldom begin with a chance meeting.

This dating process is something that the ordinary individual, Christian or not, must go through. If you are a Christian yet you are currently single and want to get married, what should you do? Given that you presumably don’t have a servant to go out and locate a spouse for you as in the Bible, how do you go about navigating the dating scene?

Although the Bible does not provide explicit advice on dating and marriage, there are some useful principles to be gleaned from the Bible if that is what you ultimately want. Although there are many suggestions I might provide, I will focus on just five that I believe Christians may use when dating. Whether you’re 18 or 80, if you want to go back out there and try dating, these tips will be useful.

  1. Seek a partner who will enhance your life, rather than fill a void

The mistaken belief of being unfinished is a common mental trap for the unattached. The church bears some responsibility for this, in my opinion, because of the stigma it perpetuates against single people. Consider how many single individuals are in positions of authority in churches today. Chances are, it’s not a large number.

If you’re single, it’s important to remember that Christ already makes you whole, therefore dating shouldn’t be about finding your soul mate. Find someone who will encourage you and push you to grow in your faith as a Christian. It was not good for Adam to be alone, so God promised he would create a suitable companion for him. A potential partner in a romantic relationship should not be your exclusive source of fulfillment, but rather a means to your own growth and development.

You also need to be helping out the other individual, by the way.

  1. Ask, Seek, Knock
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“Inquire of the Lord, and he will provide; seek after him, and he will show you the way; knock on the door, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, gets; for the one who seeks, finds; and for the one who knocks, the door will be opened (Matthew 7:7-8).

Since this scripture largely addresses prayer, I realize you don’t often consider it excellent dating advise. While Jesus’ words here are focused on prayer, the underlying premise is some of the finest advise on romance you’ll ever find.

Simply said, you need to first ask, then look, and then knock. Contrast this with the common attitude to dating, which is to hope, pray, and wait for something good to happen. To be really forthright, that seldom ends well.

To fill you in, I was married, but my wife died away in 2010. After almost a year of being without a spouse, I decided I didn’t miss being married and instead yearned for a committed relationship once again. So I did as the saying goes and asked around, looked about, and knocked on some doors.

I prayed and made my request known to God, who already knew what I wanted. From then on, however, I had to put myself in a position to actively seek out and knock on doors. Personally, I found my date via a Christian dating service. All the asking and knocking started right here. If I ever wanted to be married again, I realized I’d have to find a lady who shared my goals.

While I did had meaningful conversations with a variety of ladies throughout my time spent online dating, I can only recall meeting two of them in person. One of the ladies I met via this method, however, would become my wife. While I’m not advocating that you sign up for a dating website, if there’s a certain individual who has caught your eye, you’ll need to actively pursue them.

This may not be the response you were hoping for on a date, but it is an inevitable element of meeting new people. One thing I can promise you is that if you don’t ask, they will never say yes. And now I’ll give you my next piece of advice. What steps should you take if your request is granted?

  1. There is only one goal you should have on a first date.
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The goal of a first date shouldn’t be marriage, even if that’s something you really want. On a first date, you only have to answer one question.

Would you want to have another?

On a first date, nothing else really matters. If you and your date both said yes, then by all means, schedule a second outing. However, if either of you answers “no,” then continuing to go on dates is not essential. In fact, this is the perfect time to ask this topic, which should be posed after the second date. For as long as the response is affirmative, the relationship should continue.

Eventually, you’ll have to answer more important, in-depth queries with affirmatives. Relationship and friendship development, as well as advancement in the dating scene, are facilitated by a steady stream of yes answers to a series of queries. However, the only question that should be asked on a first date is whether or not you want to go on a second one.

  1. Don’t try to find the one, let the one show itself.

The romanticization of dating in popular culture and the Bible may lead to certain dangerous misunderstandings (think Ruth and Boaz). While it is possible for this to occur, in practice it does not. At other times, you have to sift through the few to get to the one. As an additional piece of advice, I would advise you to not actively seek for “the one,” but rather to wait for “the one” to emerge from among the many. I know it’s not common advice, but I think you should go on a few first dates with various individuals before settling on the one.

My wife and I were both involved in online conversations with the intention of ultimately meeting for a date. But before I met her, I went on a first date with my wife, and we liked each other enough to go on a second. After coming to this conclusion, I phoned the other individual and explained that I was seeing someone else.

If finding “the one” isn’t that crucial, why do we keep doing it? In Christian communities, I feel that people often see dating as all or nothing. Too much pressure is put on dating by the widespread belief that its only purpose is to lead to marriage. You can’t go on a first date with the thought that you’re going to be married right away. You will drive yourself crazy and drive away potential friends and partners.

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Let go of the pressure you’re feeling and ask the obvious inquiry. Do you want to go on with this? The best option will become clear as you go.

  1. In More Ways Than One, You Can Be Unequally Yoked

If you’ve heard one thing about dating, it’s definitely this poem.

As the Bible says, “Do not yoke yourself together with unbelievers. As a matter of fact, what do virtue and evil have in common? What kind of friendship does light have with shadow? Where is the common ground between Jesus and Satan? The question then becomes, “What do believers and nonbelievers have in common?” Bible verses (II Corinthians 6:14–15).

This scripture was the sole criterion for dating that I was ever taught about as a child in the church. The person you’re seeing should be a Christian.

Dating someone who shares your Christian religion is crucial, but there are other ways to be in an incompatible relationship. Simply said, sharing a same faith may help you connect with others, but it’s important to make sure there are other commonalities as well.

It might be frustrating to spend time with someone who doesn’t share your interests, like if you’re someone who enjoys traveling but they don’t seem interested in doing anything. You could become frustrated with someone who seems disinterested in life if you’re always with people who aren’t as driven as you are. I’m not suggesting your partners’ beliefs have to align with your own in order for you to be compatible, but there are other ways in which you could be unequally yoked besides your religion.

One Last Thing

I don’t want there to be any confusion, but this is really only the beginning of the story. Although there are many more useful suggestions, I do hope that they may give you some motivation if you are currently single. I understand that dating isn’t always a cinch, and that there are definitely moments when it’s not particularly enjoyable. I hope that you discover the person you want to spend the rest of your life with through asking, seeking, and knocking on God’s door.

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