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5 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Can’t Say Out Loud – But Needs You To Know

Posted by on December 5, 2020 — Drop A Comment


Building a church might looks rewarding—but hard. And it’s not just difficult for pastors, but for the family they go home to, particularly their wife.

However, having spoken with several pastor’s wife’s about these sensitive parts of ministry life that they—practically speaking—can’t

Here are the top five recurring themes.

1. THEY’RE FRUSTRATED BY THE LACK OF BOUNDARIES AND CLARITY IN A MINISTRY SETTING.

“Most at times, a pastor might frequently start receiving texts messages from church members. However, the situation on ground may not be that urgent ministry situations. But if he doesn’t immediately respond, they feel personally offended. 

So this now made most pastors to establish criteria/time for when it’s appropriate and timely for him to respond, especially if messages arrive during dinner or family time.”

2. THEY HAVE MARRIAGE ISSUES, TOO.

“It’s so hard when you have issues in your marriage that you’d love to have a friend to talk about them with. You can’t ever do that inside your church because you could cause that friend to lose respect for her pastor.”

3. THEY OFTEN FEEL CONTROLLED OR JUDGED.

Following my experience so far, pastors wife’s are usually controlled and manipulated by the power of the church committees. Because those people are ready to control everything about your life. However, once the personnel committee decided to restructure funds for church projects and decides on a particular thing, the pastor and his wife would be left without a say in the decision being made.

4. THEY’RE NOT THE CHURCH’S COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT.

“For the first year in a new church, church members would compliment about the pastor and his wife and then pull them in close to tell them about an opinion of the things the last pastor and his wife did poorly. 

Read Also  WHO IS KATHRYN KUHLMAN?

5. FRIENDSHIP IS INCREDIBLY HARD.

There are underlying expectations that I’m supposed to be friends with someone who I may not choose to be friends with if it weren’t for my husband’s job. You come into a relationship with unsaid expectations that in any other scenario would be seen as pushy or high maintenance, but it effects your spouse’s work environment, the culture as a staff, and the overall tone of the church, and so you often just go with it and try to appease all parties.”


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