7 Ways Church Fail at Effective Communication and What to Do About It

Here Are 7 Ways in Which the Church Fails at Communication—and How to Improve It

As a church greeter, I can state without a doubt that the same exchange is constantly replayed each and every Sunday. Some variation of “Hey. Just checking in to see how you’re doing. When asked, “How are you?” the other person usually replies “Good.” The first individual responds positively to the second by saying, “Good.” Neither one is telling the truth; they’re simply being courteous.

What is their actual status?

Nobody bothers to look into it. After the short conversation, they part ways. Although I no longer initiate such chatter, I am nevertheless guilty of taking part in it. And so I wasn’t completely taken aback when a coworker recently broke some bad news to me. She had not been completely forthright in response to my casual “How are you?” inquiries. My church has a regular Sunday routine, and she had experienced something similar at her own church, so she was prepared.

But I was curious about her state of mind, so I probed more and inquired what the hurry was. It was because the issue had become too large for her to handle alone. As a result, we had a meaningful discussion on how to better communicate with one another as Christians.

Our pastors regularly remind us that we are to treat one other as if we really are a family, and that is how we should act toward one another if we are a church. We are stronger as a unit than we are as individuals. Not according to the norms of our own households, but those of God’s kingdom.

The human tendency to always be thinking about where we need to go or what we need to do next prevents us from really appreciating the moment we’re in or the people we’re with. We tend to think just of ourselves. The rest of the world becomes indistinguishable. To put it another way, we are failing to love as God intends. As of today, however, that ought to alter.

Here are seven areas where Christians struggle to communicate effectively, and suggestions for improvement:

  1. Shallowness

There is one friend who remains closer than a brother, even though one has many friends and gets hurt. [From Proverbs 18:24]

Although most people would disagree, the dialogue just described the average person. The phrase “hope you’re doing well” is also often used. Even if we could wait and inquire how the other person is doing, we nevertheless choose to say this. Of course, we don’t since doing so would call for work and forethought, neither of which we have. At least not in a natural manner.

In if our language wasn’t horrible enough, we’ve also forgotten what it is to be a friend. Thanks to social media and societal standards, we now consider almost anybody to be a friend, but we seldom act as if they really are. As we read the Gospels, we discover that Jesus did not consider everyone to be his buddy. But even so, He loved them.

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What does it mean for our definition of a friend? Once the church rethinks the word’s meaning, it may restore the word’s original sense of friendship.

  1. Being Overscheduled

The saying goes something like, “In vain you wake up early and stay up late, working hard to have enough food—yes, he offers sleep to the one he loves.” (Psalm 127:2)

We Americans take pleasure in our busy lives, but that activity doesn’t necessarily reflect a Christlike worldview. Work, not religion, may be what ultimately defines us. To have value, we must be active and productive, generating both income and social status. If we aren’t, then our existence is meaningless. Yet, we value our hectic lifestyles more than our personal connections. Relationships with loved ones and friends suffer as a result. Since we can’t spare the time to develop new friendships, we stop trying. Instead, we just don’t bother to do so.

If we’re going to keep ourselves so busy, we should ask if it’s for the glory of God or our own selfish ends.

When we are preoccupied, it is to the detriment of others who may benefit from our presence. Associating yourself with the busybody stereotype makes others less likely to seek you out in times of need.

Be present in the now to combat the hectic pace. Acknowledge the presence of others around you. Instead of promising to pray for someone later, pray for them right then. Plus, you shouldn’t hold others to your timetable. Stop what you’re doing and take some time off. Make an effort to strengthen your bonds with God and others around you. Spend some time in the here and now.

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3. Sensitivity Issues

A man’s virtue lies in his ability to overlook transgressions because his wisdom has taught him to be patient. Those who heed the advice of the wise (Proverbs 19:11)

“Don’t believe everything you hear, even if it’s your servant cursing you; you know deep down that you’ve cursed others just as often.” (Eccl. 7:21, 22)

Sensitivity issues are a serious challenge in today’s world. As the young people remark, “we’re all triggered by something.” When we allow ourselves to become unduly reactive to other people’s gazes, words, and thoughts, we isolate ourselves and become unapproachable. And if they are unapproachable, it has hampered our church’s capacity to communicate. There is now a clear political schism inside the church. Knowing someone else’s thoughts is the last straw in every relationship. Transgenderism and abortion are two topics where this option is warranted. When it comes to concerns of life and death, we have firm beliefs.

There is no reason to end a relationship over the fact that one person is a member of a different political party or does not support a certain activist organization.

The Bible tells us to take people’ comments into consideration, but not let them get to us. Just take out what you can use from what they say and leave the rest. Strive to resolve conflicts peacefully wherever feasible; give up a relationship only when that becomes impossible.

4. Presumption-Making

Don’t rush towards taking anything to court. What are you going to do if your opponent publicly humiliates you if you lose? Scripture advises us to do so in (Proverbs 25:8)

Ignorance and shame belong to the person who speaks before hearing what is being spoken. Those who heed the advice of the sage (Proverbs 18:13)

Most people are familiar with the adage about the consequences of making assumptions. Although I know for a fact that I am not alone in underestimating how much I presume. If someone clothes strangely, uses incorrect grammar, or behaves in a peculiar manner, we may question their motivations. Until we inquire as to their motivations, we will never know the whole story.

This is true even while engaging with people of the opposing sex. When a man pays attention to a woman, the woman may mistake it for sexual interest. Just inquire if you need clarification. Awkwardness and discomfort are inevitable, but the more we learn about one other, the closer we get. More knowledge leads to fewer assumptions.

  1. Excessive Tolerance

Just as “iron sharpens iron,” so “one person sharpens another.” (The Message)

Our secular culture makes much too much of a fuss about tolerance, much like it does about sensitivity. The church has unfortunately taken this advice to heart. Christians have become too tolerant of the erroneous notions as body positivity and associated concepts gain popularity. The acceptance of homosexuality and transgenderism in the church are two examples.

While we should welcome everyone who knocks on our door, we must not fool ourselves into thinking that sin is not sin if it is committed by someone we care about.

Without constructive criticism, none of us will improve and we will both end up guilty of wrongdoing.

  1. Ignoring Others

“My dear brothers and sisters, take this to heart: Be slow to talk, quick to listen, and slow to get angry,” Jesus said. (James 1:19)

A fool is not interested in learning, but rather in having his views heard. [Proverbs 18:2]

Think about how much the discussion is about you when you join it. When compared to how much you listen, how much time do you spend talking? We, both within and outside the church, have become much too used to talking about ourselves in this era of social media. These days, narcissism is not only common, but fashionable. We are experts at making ourselves the center of attention, whether the conversation is about job, politics, or anything else.

The Bible teaches that we should treat people with respect and silence our own tongues more than our own.

When we talk to others the way God wants us to, we end up helping not just others around us but also ourselves.

Is it okay if I include a link to the New York church where the drag queen man was greeted with applause?

The mother and daughter share a tight expression.

  1. Fear of Conflict

Stay alert. Forgive your brother if he repents after being rebuked. (Luke 17:3)

A lack of effective communication is a contributing factor to the current state of Christian division. That other thing is a crippling dread of confrontation. We choose to ignore difficulties rather than confront one another head-on. When we miss someone, we either opt to push them under the rug or ghost them because it’s simpler to just disappear than to really talk to them.

Not facing problems head-on prevents us from solving them. If we are the problem, nothing will ever improve.

The Bible gives us a clear framework for resolving disagreements, and for that, we should be grateful. We start by talking things out in order to establish a common ground. It is possible to both forgive and admonish when wrongs have been recognized. Next, expansion occurs. Disagreement is necessary for development.

Unless we mature, we cannot resemble Christ.

Conclusion

The words “if we can only work together, and learn to love one other, then perfect the church, we’re going to be” appear in one of my favorite praise songs. Many people express an interest in expanding and diversifying the church in order to attract new members. However, at times I worry whether we are too focused on the future to make the most of the present.

Moreover, we tend to focus on the things outside of ourselves that we can alter, rather than working on developing our own potential. Who would we be if we spent even a fraction of the time discussing our own sin as we do that of others?

How much more would we learn if we listened more and spoke less?

Would the elderly listen more to the youth instead of talking? Would defiant adolescent children come to accept their parents’ love for them despite their fears?

While we certainly do not expect the church to ever reach perfection, we also have no need to rest on our laurels if there is still potential for development.

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