How can a person who is not married relieve the sexual tension that they feel in a way that does not involve sinning?
Besides mastering one’s tongue, God’s gift of sexuality is one of the most difficult to put to good use (James 3:2). Because God created us with a sex drive, we also know that he wants us to keep our sexuality confined to marriage. Those who aren’t married must find healthy ways to deal with sexual tension that don’t dishonor God. The desire for sex is a part of human nature that cannot be eradicated because it is a divine gift. The sex drive is natural, but it is our responsibility to learn how to channel it for God’s glory and the good of His people.
To begin, we want to stress that the Bible never condemns or degrades sexuality as a whole. Indulging our sexual desires should not make us feel bad. The need to do such things is natural and even divine. God made men and women with unique strengths, motivations, and requirements for a reason.
Secondly, restraint is a virtue emphasized in the Bible (1 Corinthians 9:24–27; 2 Peter 1:6). Thus, the only morally objectionable behavior is the inappropriate use or abuse of sexual abilities. According to 1 Corinthians 9:25 (KJV), we should “strive for the mastery” in every area of our lives, including our sexuality.
Masturbation is not an acceptable method of relieving sexual tension because of its association with sexual fantasies and pornography. Always, it’s something done for one’s own benefit, with zero consideration for others. God gave men their own built-in way to de-stress from the pressures of the bedroom. Dreams of a sexual character during sleep are known as “wet dreams,” and they are often accompanied by seminal discharges. In light of this, masturbation is not an obligatory method for releasing sexual tension.
Here are some tips for dealing with sexual desire in a chaste manner, for those who so choose:
- Learning to be grateful for your sexuality and the good it does is essential. If you can’t control your sexual urges, give them to God. Thank God for the hope it brings you. You shouldn’t ignore or stifle your sexual desires. Instead, store up your strength in God until He brings you a lifelong partner in His time. Put your sexual energy to better use serving the Lord in the interim.
- Train your thinking to seek God’s approval and honor in all that you do, creative endeavors or not. Self-control is becoming important because many modern media outlets place an unhealthy emphasis on sexuality and hold up quick pleasure as the ideal. Maintain self-control by drawing near to God, donning His spiritual armor, and relying on Jesus to do fight on your behalf.
- Keep in mind that a Christian’s soul is home to the Holy Spirit. Because you are a temple of the Holy Spirit, you must treat your body with respect (2 Corinthians 6:16). If you let Him, the Holy Spirit will rule over your appetites.
- Take Jesus as your role model. Self-discipline was a sacrifice for him, but he made it (Luke 9:51; Isaiah 55:4; Matthew 27:11–14). He had to control His sexual desires for the sake of God’s glory, as He was “tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin” (Hebrews 4:15). The Lord focused everything He had on satisfying the most fundamental requirements of lost humanity. Contribute to His work, and permit Him to do His work through you.
- When a sexual desire begins to intensify, try to shift your focus and conduct some action to reduce the intensity of the urge. Try some little exercise, a brisk walk, or a cold shower to reduce sexual desire.
- Stay away from any activities that could be interpreted as sexually stimulating. It’s crucial for men to remember that their desire is often aroused by what they see, so they shouldn’t watch any media that features scenes of nudity or sexual activity. In addition to feelings and relationships, women can also be moved by what they see. In terms of what they consume on screen and in their minds, people of both sexes should be uncompromising.
- If you want to be like Jesus, you can’t look at someone with lust (Matthew 5:28). Keep your promise not to gaze with lust upon a young woman, like Job did (Job 31:1). Consider how God can use you for good in the lives of all people, and rehearse chastity in your mind, thoughts, imagination and sight.
- When you wake up in the morning, number eight, do something productive. Just the act of lying in bed might stimulate sexual desire.
- Work diligently. If you put in a full day’s work, you’ll have an easier time drifting off to sleep at night.
- Keep your thoughts in order. Philippians 4:8 provides a list of ideas to keep in mind.
- Don’t let your sexual energy go to waste; channel it into serving others in Christ’s name instead. The alternative is to direct this energy into something stimulating that keeps your attention from wandering.
- Don’t be unready for the commitments of marriage and parenthood. Focus on how staying pure will help you in the long run.
- Conjure up actual sensory experiences you’ve had and aren’t embarrassed about using your imagination and memory. Put your thoughts to work anyway you like.
- If you feel a strong desire to have sex, number fourteen is to go somewhere else. If you want to do something athletic and fun with a friend, invite them along for a walk, a jog, some shopping, or to go out for a conversation.
- Get into or continue a pastime that has you using your hands a lot.
- Keep track of what makes you feel sexually aroused, and try to steer clear of it. To satisfy a desire, you need take steps to alter the circumstances surrounding it. If you find yourself thinking negatively after partaking in a particular action, give up that action.
- Pray to God and tell him how you feel. Talk to Jesus about everything that’s bothering you.
- If you fall into sin, quickly turn to Christ for forgiveness (1 John 1:9). Keep your humiliation in check. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross ensures that all of our sins have been paid for, and we may rest easy knowing that God loves us no matter what and His kindness is renewed each morning. Pray to God for success. God equips you with the resources you need to overcome Satan’s schemes in Ephesians 6:10-18, 1 Peter 5:8, and James 4:7-8.
- Build trusting, open, and accountable friendships with other faithful Christians of the same gender. You can ask your friends and family to pray for you and be there for you whenever you need them.
- Tell a trusted person, like your pastor, that you’re having a hard time. You are not alone in having difficulty mastering control over your sexual drive. The character-destroying results of hiding, pretending, and acting hypocritically are not worth the temporary benefits. Your trusted friend or advisor can pray for you, urge you, and offer constructive advice if you ever falter.
- Accept the fact that the path to mastery may not be simple or quick. Any virtue, whether it be chastity, honesty, generosity, or something else, must be worked on and maintained. Paul gave this example of self-discipline: “I do not run like someone sprinting aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer hitting the air.” Instead, I knock myself out and make my body do my bidding so that, when I’ve preached to the masses, I won’t have to worry about being disqualified myself (1 Corinthians 9:26–27).
- Listen to music to change your state of mind. Listening to music with God-centered, Christ-honoring lyrics can help curb sexual urges.
- Keep your focus on Jesus, the one who started and finished your faith, and take things one day at a time (23) as God’s grace enables you (Hebrews 12:2).
- Marriage is also quite acceptable, as our number 24 indicates. In his letter to the Romans, the apostle Paul advises the singles: “If they cannot contain themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). However, if you only want to be married so you can have sexual relations, that shows you have the wrong perspective on what marriage is meant to be about and is not a good decision.
God created us not to gratify our carnal desires, but to love one another deeply. The sex drive’s primary function is not self-gratification but rather the pursuit of a lifelong partner in a marriage. Sinful methods of alleviating sexual tension can never free a person from lust, but rather will only strengthen the impulse to act on that passion. The urge to find true closeness only increases in the face of sinful behavior, which does nothing to ease the need.
Satisfying another person sexually is the only way to experience true pleasure. Effective sexual power is based on a desire to please another person rather than one’s own ego. God’s grace and the Holy Spirit’s power can help us delay gratification of our sexual desires until we can enjoy the reality God intended for sexual intercourse within marriage.