How Strong Is Your Marriage? 1 Question to Answer

There Is Only One Question That Can Tell You If Your Marriage Is Doing OK

Have you questioned about the health of your marriage? Are you concerned about the state of your marriage and whether or not it needs serious work? In an effort to determine whether or not their union required significant intervention, most couples have pondered their status a few times.

There are plenty of marital quizzes out there that are worth your time and consideration, but if you’re really in a need, I have a lot easier way to tell whether you and your partner need professional assistance. It is, maybe, extremely basic and may look, at first, too simplistic. However, I dare you and your partner to score your marriage using the following, very simple, criteria:

In a scale where 1 means “never,” 5 means “sometimes,” and 10 means “always,” how would you rank your marriage on the following statement?

I know that if I go to my partner with an issue, they would listen to me and try to figure out a solution.

The majority of the couples that seek my help at The Marriage Recovery Center have a very poor opinion of themselves on this measure. Most people respond with a surprised expression because they realize this question has exposed a devastating truth about their marriage.

Jarrad and Cecelia are one such pair who came to me in the typical hurt and defensive fashion of such couples. When I asked them how true they found the statement above to be in their marriage, neither was surprised to report that they never felt comfortable bringing up a problem they were having with their partner.

Cecelia, a 35-year-old lady with an athletic build and a voice that betrayed her underlying irritation with her husband, was a pleasure to watch in the gym.

Cecelia glared at her husband and stated, “I can’t say anything to him without a major response.” I know that if I go to him with an issue, he’ll become defensive and take it the wrong way. I know that everything I say will be used against me.

The tall guy, Jarrad, who had a thick black beard and a receding hairline, averted his gaze as if he were trying to shield his face from the hit.

I can’t say you’re much better,” he retorted as he slowly turned around again. When I have an issue, I don’t come to you. I try to help, but all you do is pick apart anything I do.

She emphasized that she was not criticizing Jarrad. I’m attempting to bring up issues in our marriage that require fixing.

Suppressing a sigh, Jarrad shrugged.

Because of this, I made the decision to enter the fray.

“Therefore, neither of you feels comfortable turning to the other for help with your issues. When one of you provides information, I can see you’re both feeling defensive,” I added. The ability to communicate effectively with one another is crucial, and I want to teach you both the skills you need to get your partner to pay attention to what you have to say. It is essential that you both become good listeners and pay attention to the other’s worries.

Cecelia said cynically, “That would be lovely.” As the saying goes, “I can’t wait for it to happen.”

Once again, Jarrad shrugged and said something under his breath.

I’d like to provide some advice on how to improve communication amongst you. But would you agree that making each other feel comfortable enough to talk openly and honestly is crucial? ”

Both of them nodded in agreement. You’re welcome to use the advice I gave them, which I’ll repeat here.

• It’s important to establish early on that both partners will make themselves emotionally open to one another. You can’t get out of doing this. To be a good partner, you need to be able to listen to your partner’s problems without becoming defensive, showing that you care about what they’re going through, and being prepared to help. Someone else will provide a sympathetic ear if you don’t.
• According to Proverbs (16:24), “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, delicious to the soul and mending to the bones.” When we’re down, we all want someone to listen to us and say kind things.
• Second, you should acknowledge the importance of both giving and receiving feedback. Having the sort of connection where each partner feels secure and comfortable sharing information is crucial. You need to be able to receive and deliver constructive criticism, but always do it in a manner that demonstrates your love for your partner.
• In the third place, make it comfortable to provide and receive comments. Communicate your want to connect with your partner and your willingness to listen to them. In fact, you should show that you’re excited to listen to them and have a stimulating discussion. Communicate with them. Don’t allow rejection discourage you from making an effort to connect positively in the future. Be the one to initiate contact once again.
• Fourth, only provide facts that is essential to mending the bond. It’s like an emotional dance; one wrong move and the whole thing may fall apart. We have stressed the importance of everyone doing their bit to ensure everyone’s safety throughout the dialogue, and we expect you to do just that. You may expect your partner to withdraw his or her affections in one of three ways if you don’t: by fighting, fleeing, or remaining immobile. Maintaining an emotional connection with the flow is important.
• Listen carefully to advice that has been offered to you, and act on it. You need to show your partner that you can take their praise or criticism. In a nutshell, you need to listen to them. Avoid responding defensively if you feel the need. Be wary of the need to be too critical with your comments. Do nothing except pay attention to and take seriously what they say.
• Finally, proceed with caution. This bond is very delicate. If you want your partner to keep becoming close to you, you need to ensure their safety. Suggestions are always appreciated. If someone comes at you, take it in stride even if they say something hurtful. Find the nugget of truth in what they say.

With only one question, how would you grade the state of your marriage? We hope these questions helped you zero in on areas of strength and improvement.