How to Combine Different Ways of Parenting

Combining Different Parenting Approaches

I guess it’s true what they say about opposites attracting since my husband and I couldn’t be more different from one other. Both my hubby and I are really different from one another. The initial stages of our relationship were rocky due to our differences. Getting everyone on the same page required a lot of effort. But the more we chatted and listened to one another, the closer we became. Along the process, we learned to value our differences rather than trying to force one another to conform.

At one time, I felt we’d be more happy as a family if my husband would just do what I asked of him. But now I see that God had a purpose in making us all different. And it’s true that opposites attract in marriage, as a collaborative effort between two people is more productive than any of them working alone.

Two are better than one because they can lift each other up if one of them should fall. This is according to Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV). Someone who falls and has no one to lift them up has my deepest sympathy. When two people lie down next to each other, they generate heat. But how can a solitary person remain warm? When faced with an attacker, two people have a far better chance of survival. An unbreakable cord of three strands.” This is a lovely illustration of what it’s like when people from all backgrounds and walks of life work together toward a common goal, with Jesus acting as the unifying force and the source of their inspiration.

When Different Cultures Meet

When we first start raising children with our spouses, it might be a lot to take in. That’s because things aren’t quite as straightforward as they appear to be. To our detriment, we tend to ignore the fact that our upbringings were so different. Our partner does not perceive the world through the same lens through which we do.

Misunderstandings occur because each of us perceives the world through our own unique lens of knowledge and experience. However, if we recognize that our experiences are unique, we may begin to adjust our viewpoints such that they coincide, or at least make greater sense to one another. Aiming for mutual comprehension is the first step toward effective dialogue.

Communication Is Crucial

If we want to be good parents together, we need to improve our communication skills. To do this, one must care more about being heard and understood than about speaking one’s own mind. It’s easy for us to get too reactive as parents. This causes confusion and stresses out those involved. Communicating regularly with our partners is a good first step in becoming more proactive parents.

Not sure how to get started? Discuss your respective upbringings with your partner. For better or worse, what did they appreciate most, and what would they change? How can you best be there for your partner when they experience an emotional outburst, and what are the typical causes of such an outburst? Is there anything you can do or say to show you care about their plight without being insensitive? Furthermore, how can you make your partner aware of these requirements?

For instance, my husband and I quickly discovered that he does not appreciate being spoken to in an angry tone since he was raised in a home where there was often shouting and verbal abuse. Also, I didn’t cope well when he went for a walk to cool off since it triggered painful memories of my father’s desertion. There was no harm in him going for a stroll. If it hadn’t caused such a strong emotional reaction in me, it may have been a really beneficial coping ability. As we shared our stories and our needs, we discovered new ways to help one other through the tough times. In addition, once we were ready to express ourselves without misunderstandings, we dove headfirst into open discussions regarding parenting.

Because parenting is so vast, I can’t possibly cover it all here, but I can provide you a framework and some tools to start blending your varied approaches. To get started, let’s cover the fundamentals.

Norms and Guidelines

There are several fundamental rules that should be followed while attempting to combine parenting philosophies. Use these as guardrails to prevent your parenting from plummeting to the ground. As an example, what is your stance on spanking with your partner? Break time? A process of elimination? Consequences of nature?

If one parent has strong feelings about something, it’s better to respect those feelings and come up with a solution that pleases both of you. Otherwise, it will put an unneeded pressure on your marriage and your ability to parent your children.

When we can’t view things from each other’s perspective, it might be challenging. This is where talking is a must. Because you and your partner are unique individuals, your parenting styles will vary. And of course, it’s only natural that mothers and fathers approach parenting in various ways. My spouse, for instance, is an excellent problem-solver while he’s taking care of our kids. The ultimate consequence is that when he has to chastise our kids, he is less sympathetic and more straightforward.

When combining parenting approaches, it’s crucial to recognize the inevitable differences between you and your partner. Don’t put undue pressure on your partner to adopt your parenting style or vice versa. It’s important to remind yourselves and your kids that you both contribute unique strengths and perspectives to the table that benefit everyone.

Distinct Methods, Similar Results

Assuming you and your partner have established the fundamentals of good parenting and come to terms with the fact that you will both have slightly different approaches, you can now focus on the broader picture. The large picture implies that everyone is on the same page and knows where they are going. There’s no rule that says you have to take the exact same steps as your partner, but you should at least be traveling in the same general direction.

So, let me explain what I mean. You have settled upon your parental duties and responsibilities (and given each other grace for those times you inevitably mess up). That’s because you’re both trying to do the same thing (define what you want for your kids as they grow and how you plan to help them get there). The two of you have established a set of ground rules and expectations upon which they can rely, reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings. And then you give your family the time and room it needs to flourish. And you keep returning to the drawing board to assess progress and make adjustments. Don’t be scared to try something new if an old method isn’t producing results. If an argument, fight, or general state of bewilderment arises as a result of anything you or your partner has done, it’s time to have that unpleasant talk and look into other options.

Lastly, Some Words of Caution

When trying to find common ground in your parenting approaches, it’s helpful to keep in mind that you’re both striving for the same end. Stay united in the face of parental difficulties. Even if you disagree with your partner, you should always stand by them in front of their children. Avoid giving your children an opening to set you against each other by having this talk when you are alone and can come to a consensus. It’s not simple to combine parenting approaches, but it’s well worth the effort. Spend time learning and growing as a unit, and your family will prosper.