“I was seeing devils,” the former Satanist said, and before Christ came through, he was on the verge of taking his own life.
“I discovered that I was giving Satan my all.”
Ben Atkins wasn’t always a believer, which is hardly a statement one would anticipate hearing from a preacher. Before finding hope in Christ, the pastor from the UK went through a grueling journey that brought him deep into a demonic worldview.
“This is my narrative. On a recent episode of “The Playing With Fire” podcast, Atkins said, “These are my experiences. “My tale involves supernatural occurrences” and that he takes care not to stray from what he saw in Scripture and what he had personally experienced. I’m very cautious about going from what the Bible teaches, what Jesus said, and what I’ve personally experienced. I truly can only say it to anybody in a position of power. “
Atkins compared growing up in a dysfunctional family that seemed to be comfortable to living in the “English counterpart of the American Dream.” He began to “doubt everything” from a young age due to the trauma and misery that lay beneath the surface.
Atkins said that, despite growing up in a Christian household, his parents’ religion had started to waver. And when his interactions with the church were blatantly negative, he started to doubt his belief.
He described his early years in the church as having “no room for pain, no place for actual vulnerability or weakness, and much less for the supernatural force of God.” “It was a church that didn’t think that God was active today via anything save the Bible, so what I experienced in church simply didn’t sparkle with life,” the author said.
Atkins became disillusioned and embarked on his own journey, engaging in vices such as “sex, drugs, and drink.” He also started experimenting spiritually with non-Christian meditation and other similar disciplines in an attempt to discover what he was so desperately seeking.
“I felt a strong want to connect with my sorrow and have it recognized,” he stated. And that’s what inspired me to investigate some truly dark lifestyles.
Atkins began reading “The Satanic Bible,” the bible of contemporary satanism, and saw connections in the writing that led him down a road of spiritual degeneration. Even though “The Satanic Bible” is mostly about not believing in God, Atkins started adding rituals to it.
I had already started doing rituals with friends to harness whatever force that was around me, inside of me, or elsewhere, he said. I suppose they would claim they were witches or something like that.
Atkins continued to go along the dangerous road after it was freed up.
He remembered feeling the urge, among other things, to engrave a pentagram into his breast as he descended farther into the spiritual abyss. As Atkins saw the genuineness and disorder in the church, the young man suddenly found himself gravitating toward Satan, thinking that even if God existed, he could not possibly be who he claimed to be.
All of this demonic stuff and witchcraft, he remembers thinking, “makes more sense of my life and really provides me a better route ahead.”
Tragically, depression and more unpleasant spiritual experiences followed. He said that eventually he began receiving communications from Satan, and over time these encounters became more intense.
You’re going to complete your [college] exams and then you’re going to die, he told me one morning as he sat at the foot of my bed. In Atkins’ memory “That was the very worst thing I could possibly hear when I woke up,” the author said.
In place of turning away from satanism, Atkins began making bets with the devil in an attempt to outlive his life. These wagers included promising to harm others or even himself. But he received no pardon.
Then came dreams of the devil.
He said that he had been seeing demons and that they had been approaching and penetrating him. “I simply become sad more and more.”
Atkins went on, “I then began making plans for how to murder myself since I could see no other way out. Either Satan will murder me or I will, I reasoned. Therefore, I’d want to at least reclaim a little amount of power. “
Atkins was unexpectedly led to Jesus after attending a Christian gathering after being invited by his sister’s friend. First, he was angry about the biblical themes that were being preached, especially after seeing people who loved God and were filled with joy.
However, in the middle of his annoyance, a guy approached and began praying over Atkins, and something instantly tore through his heart and spirit.
I had the greatest thrill when he placed his hand on my shoulder and began praying for me in tongues, he said. “I was chasing highs and attempting to experience lows with everything I’d been doing in life, and the tranquility I felt was better than any high I’d ever had.”
Atkins said that the incident affected him more deeply than any other event he had had.
“I never intended to become a Christian. All I wanted was life and the truth, “said he. And that’s what brought me into Jesus’ arms.
After being saved, Atkins went on to become a preacher. He is now starting churches in the US and the UK while also sharing his own recovery experience and the Good News.
You can listen to his “The Playing With Fire” podcast here
6 Trackbacks / Pingbacks