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‘I Was A Pastor’s Wife Living In Hell’ -Nigerian Woman Shares Deep Marriage Experience


Marriage advise

Cynthia (surname withheld) told her story after passing through what she described as hell trying to save her troubled marriage.

“Woman, take this N100,000. Take your daughters and relocate to the village. Use the money to feed and enroll them in school.

As soon as you are broke, call your lover to send money to you,” these were the words of a husband to his 42-year-old housewife in Ikotun area of Lagos after 13 years of marriage.

In tears, she told Daily Sun that her husband was bent on dumping her and the children in the village to give way for a woman that would bear a son for him.

“I met him in Lagos as a businesswoman and out of the love I had for him, we merged resources to start a family business. As a loyal wife, I knew the importance of taking care of the family front, so I allowed him to run the business with little or no interference from me.

We have three daughters and suddenly he started accusing me of one thing or the other. He had already told me that he had got another woman pregnant and the woman was going to have a son. I was sad but what could I do since he wants a son.

Next thing, he accused me of infidelity. I do not want to lose him because of my daughters. I was ready to do anything he asked me to do just to prove to him that I never had any extramarital affair with any man.

He took me to several pastors who he believed had the gift of vision. One of them rubbed some kind of oil in my vagina. My husband was there watching them do it and he allowed it.

I allowed him do it because I wanted to keep my marriage. The pastor said that if I cheated on my husband, that I would run mad. I am here hale and hearty.

He is still threatening to take me to the village. I love my husband and will like to keep my marriage even if he wants to fulfil his desire of having a son. All I ask is for enough money to start a small business that can sustain me and my children. I do not have up to N10, 000 in my account as I speak with you.”

Just like Madam Cynthia, several women who shared their personal experiences also claimed to have made difficult sacrifices in a bid to save their marriage and give their children a stable home.

Oluchi, a native of Ngor Okpala in Imo State, claimed she was locked inside a com- pound for three years without any form of physical or emotional support from outsiders till her family summoned the courage to come looking for her. She said in an emotional voice:

“I still don’t know what happened to my husband because while we were dating, he was the dream of every woman. I forced my family to accept him by getting pregnant. He is from Edo while I am from Abia State.

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He suddenly changed after the birth of our third child and stopped everyone from having access to me. He has enough money to cater for us, so I allowed him to convince me to be a full-time housewife. I had no job and I was a this mercy to feed me and my children. He accused my family of collecting so much from him during our wedding.

It was so bad that he relocated us to an- other place and took my phones from me. He threatened that if

if I told my family where I was, he would divorce me and take away my children. I abhor divorce so I decided to pray. I became his new punching bag and sex slave.

This was how I got pregnant for the fourth child. My parents never knew that I had a baby till the day of church dedication. A family friend who knew my parents called to ask why they were not at the church service. This was how this man was asked to find where I was staying.

My parents stormed the house with the police and took me and my children away from there. Heaven knows that without the interference of my parents, I was ready to stay in that house till I die. For me it was about my children and most importantly not to be tagged a divorcee.”

Mrs. Abinla, the wife of a priest, was sup- posed to have the best and serve as an example to other women. But she claimed the opposite was the case with her.

Her words:

“My husband was a pastor and everyone sees him as a holy man. I am expected to be loyal. All my good clothes are kept in his room and will only be worn any time we are seen together. I am expected to look good, no matter the situation.

The most heartbreaking part is that he brings in women into the house without my consent. They will sleep in the room with him. One day, I summoned courage and entered the room and met them naked. I screamed but he grabbed me and tied me up that night.

He forced me to watch them and at the end, he told me that if I destroy his ministry by exposing him, that my children would bear the shame. He said they would refer to them as the children of a disgraced man of God.

This was what I endured until God decided to deliver me by allowing him to die. He was killed in an accident. I kept that secret for more than six years just because I was afraid that people would hear it and mock me and my children.

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Even when my children ask me who those women were, I would lie that they were their relatives. It was hell but I thank God I survived.”

Yemisi opted to conspire with her children’s school owner to raise money for her personal upkeep.

She narrated:

“I was also raised to believe in doing whatever it takes to keep my marriage intact. I see my pattern as applying wisdom which I know many will criticise. My husband is rich and I felt that accepting his suggestion that I become a full housewife was for the best. Four years later, everything changed, especially when my father died.

It was as if he was waiting for that moment. Everything turned around. No more allowance, my family members not allowed to visit as he calls them beggars. I kept asking him what went wrong and he would simply say that he was spending his money raising my children and that I had no right to ask for anything.

To make sure that I was helpless, he would contract another woman to run market errands for me. It was the woman who bought clothes for my children. I was not allowed to get a nanny.

I nearly got admitted in a mental home till a lady who saw me in church looking haggard forced me to talk. She told me that if I die in that marriage, that nothing would happen. She said instead, another would take my place in less than six months.

She was the one who gave me several ideas and it worked. One of them was to open up to people and one of such was the proprietor of the school where my children were enrolled. When the woman heard my story, she agreed to assist.

There school fees then were N450,000 a term and my kids were four. She told my husband that the school fees had been increased to N550,000 per child. He paid.

This was how I started raising N400,000 every school term. From there I would send money to my mother and my siblings who were in school. I was a happy person and my marriage remained intact.

I know people will condemn me but this was the only way out. I have an online business and my husband thought I got money from relatives. I don’t feel guilty because all I did was to save my marriage and give my children a stable home. Women should learn to open up.”

Another woman who lives in Ijesha area of Lagos State told Daily Sun in confidence that to save her marriage, she slept with other men to have children. She is a mother of three and all her children were conceived with the help of other men.

“I feel guilty when I watch how close my children are to their dad than me.

I have one of the best men, but he is quite arrogant. He is too proud that on the day of our wedding, he announced that I would have children on a yearly basis. I was happy but after a year, he became restless and accused me of aborting all the children in my womb when I was single.

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He kept threatening to bring another woman into the house to bear children. I pleaded with him to go with me to the hospital and he refused. I was desperate be- cause at 35, I might not be able to find another husband.

I decided to try my luck and the first man I met got me pregnant. This was how I got three children and a big party was thrown during their naming ceremonies. He is so happy and gave me anything I wanted. He loves my children and I pray that God will not allow him find out.”

After seven years in medical school, Mrs. Ogwuwe was convinced to forget her career and become a submissive wife.

Now the owner of a small provision store in Ajao area of Lagos State, she said that when her husband realised his mistakes, it was already late to practice medicine.

“I got married in 2003 after completing my housemanship at Federal Medical Centre, Owerri. My husband is a successful businessman and after the marriage, he asked me to choose between my career and my marriage. Then I was pregnant with our first child.

I protested and pleaded with him to allow me practice and he agreed but said that would be after our baby was born. It started like a joke till I had five children. Although he employed several nannies to assist me still, he insisted that I had to stay and monitor them. It was so bad that my parents had no choice but to plead with me to obey my husband.

My sister, it’s about 18 years since I left school and I have lost my licence to practice. You can see how my life was wasted. Now I am a petty trader because my husband’s business stopped flourishing at a point. I have learnt my lessons and told my daughter to also learn from my experience.

Then it was all about staying married and I paid the price. My sister, it did not stop my husband from messing around with other women and denying me of little things that I could have afforded if I was a doctor.

My mates are consultants, but I sell stuffs. I hated my parents for that and they also suffered it. Their needs were not met because my husband does not have enough to carry such burden.

My children still did not have the best education. Men should know that the reason we were sent to school is to work and help them to cater for the family. It was a huge sacrifice and I don’t wish my enemy to make same mistake.”


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