Let’s Talk: “Pastor, I got a lady pregnant and now her parents says I must marry her. I don’t love her, so what do I do?”

Wow! That’s a sad news, but perhaps this would give you a soft landing.

First, you probably already know that God isn’t happy about the situation, but He’d like you to take responsibility and not just push it away.

I’ve taught you about the parable of the sower and the enemy that sowed tares while men slept. You slept when you let down your Christian principles by sleeping with a lady you’re not married to, and that sleepy state gave the devil an opportunity to sow pregnancy.

When the servants asked the master if they should uproot the tares, he told them to allow the tares and the wheat grow together until the time of harvest when he’d instruct his angels to seperate the wheat from the tares. Let’s see how the scripture puts it:

Matthew 13:
29 But he said, Nay; lest while ye gather up the tares, ye root up also the wheat with them.
30 Let both grow together until the harvest: and in the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the wheat into my barn.

So you see, you can’t force your seperation from that situation, because forcing it can further escalate it. So the wisdom is to grow with it until Jesus does the seperation. Yes, the seperation can only be divine.

Secondly, if there’s anything I’ve learnt about developing attraction for a woman, it’s that you can suddenly fall in love with a lady you hated if three things change; her outward appearance, her character, and her mindset. The good thing is, these 3 areas can be developed over a period of time.

So now you don’t love the current version of her, but do you think you’d be able to love her in her transformed state? If yes, then invest in her transformation. Every woman is beautiful, it’s just a matter of investing in transformation.

Most men are attracted to what they see and not necessarily what’s within. And that’s why many of them begin to maltreat their wife after childbirth. The body that attracted them is no longer there and they probably can’t stand living with a woman who has lost shape.

Thirdly, attempting to marry someone else would put a stigma on both of you. You’d always be the man who has a child with another woman who you were never married to, and she’d always be the woman who had a child out of wedlock. Such stigmas are not good for raising children.

For the man, it would be easy to get married, even though the idea that you already had a child may pose a threat to the marriage. For the woman, we all know that woman with such stigmas rarely find a husband, except those who lied about it.

After all that’s been said, you’d discover that you can’t base your decision on your emotions alone, but on willingness to take responsibility.

Come to think of it, the fact that she’s pregnant means that she’s fruitful and you’re going to be a father. What’s the probability that the woman you plan to marry can give you a child? I don’t mean to judge, but we’ve seen several cases like that.

As I conclude, please note that I’m not compelling you in any way to marry her because she’s pregnant for you. Rather, I’m saying you should weigh your options by what I’ve shared and choose that which has a better feature. Yes, a better future!

If you do marry her, ensure you don’t treat her badly. Because if you do, you’d always have to struggle with life. Love her and treat her right. Remember that although this may not be how God planned it, but He’d support you if you take responsibility for your actions. His support would only come when you walk in love. No love, no support!

Please don’t let the devil paint any picture of condemnation in your head. God loves you unconditionally, so you don’t have to live a frustrated life just because of this. Your life can still be beautiful, you can still fulfill purpose. Just try to keep your head straight and focused on God. Both of you should discuss your future and prayerfully pursue it. I look forward to hearing your testimony!

I hope this has brought deliverance to someone.

Remain ever blessed!

EmekaAnslem