Reasons Why Love Forgets What Was Done Wrong

The Reasons Why Love Forgets What’s Been Done Wrong

You were hurt by someone’s words or actions. They’ve done wrong to you again again. You feel like you’re about to crack and have no idea what to do about it. You’re going through this, yet you recall reading in the Bible that love forgets wrongs. To you, the insult was so tremendous that you find yourself struggling with this passage. How could you possibly not document this event? If you could change anything, it would be to not let it go. I’ve been there too, so whether you’ve been here before or are here right now, know that you’re not alone. Nevertheless, the reality that love forgets wrongs should cause you to reflect on your own approach to forgiving others and dealing with those who have wronged you. I know it seems like a lot of work, but trust me when I say the payoff is well worth the effort.

Can you point me to the verse in the Bible that says love forgets wrongs?

Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians 13. As a description of love, it is hard to find a better one in the Bible. He says that love forgets wrongs and forgives easily.

Love is longsuffering and gentle. It is neither envious, boastful, or haughty. It does not steal others’ glory, is not greedy, is not quick to rage, and does not harbor grudges. Love takes joy in the truth and is not pleased by falsehoods. It never fails to defend, never gives up hope, never loses faith, and never gives up. (First Corinthians 13:4-7)

That text has probably been read or recited to you several times before. Let’s stop and think about the sort of love Paul is describing for a second.

What does Paul mean when he talks about love?

First Corinthians, like the rest of the New Testament, is written in a very old form of Greek. Several words in Greek may be translated as “love.” If you’re lucky, your family will fill your heart with storge. Intimate friendships are characterized by a love known as phileo. It is possible for a husband and wife to experience eros together. While these are all lovely expressions of love, they are not what Paul had in mind. The agapic Greek term for love is eros. Discussed at length in “What Does Agape Love Really Mean in the Bible? In my opinion, Alyssa Roat has written the best definition of agape love (the kind of love to which Paul refers) in all of literature. Listen to what she had to say about it below.

The word agape refers to a spirit of selfless giving. The modern definition of charity, which emphasizes monetary or material donations, falls short of capturing the whole scope of agape. Agape love puts the other person’s happiness ahead of its own. Agape isn’t conceived automatically, but rather emerges as a deliberate act of the will. Agape requires steadfastness, dedication, and selflessness, with no thought of return.

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Having a love that forgets the past is essential to this definition. If you really love someone, you will make the conscious decision to forget their transgressions. This is something we must choose to do as Christians. You must make this loving quality central to your identity. You’ll learn this kind of love is vital to the success of every partnership you get into.

What does “Love forgets the offenses committed against it” mean for a couple that has already forgiven one another?

The advice I’m going to provide is universal and applicable to any couple dynamic. I’d want to take a minute to address the married people among us. In a marriage, the partner with whom one has the most intimate emotional bonds is the partner with whom one shares the most intimate physical bonds. As a result, there are more opportunities for a rift between you. Once an infraction has been committed, how important is it for a couple to forgive one another? The fact is that the ability to forgive is paramount. Without the ability to forgive one another, it is impossible to maintain a happy, healthy marriage.

In light of the discussion of forgiveness, I feel compelled to dispel a widespread misunderstanding, one that is intrinsically linked to the idea that love forgets past transgressions. The act of forgiving someone does not imply that they are expected to forget the wrong done to them. In order to really forgive, you must be able to see beyond the hurt you felt and go on with your life. You have decided not to harbor any ill will toward that individual, despite the persistence of the recollection. And this is what we mean when we say that love forgets the wrongs done to it. You haven’t completely forgiven the individual if you preserve the records and bring up the prior incident on a regular basis. Unforgiveness is a choice, just as love and forgiveness are. I can assure you that bringing up old grievances with your partner is not a good way to strengthen your relationship. For as long as you must decide, may as well choose love over bitterness and resentment? You’ll end yourself in a much better position. Both you and your partner will benefit from this change.

So, does the fact that “love forgets” mean that we have to forgive those who abuse us?

What should we do about the repeat offender if we decide against storing records of wrongdoing? The one who keeps on sinning against you even after you’ve forgiven them? Thankfully, Peter echoed this inquiry to Jesus.

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And Simon Peter walked up to him and said, “Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother or sister who trespasses against me? Possibly as much as seven times?” When asked how many times He would repeat himself, Jesus said, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matt. 18:21)

Jesus isn’t suggesting you forgive someone 490 times and then you’re done. He is essentially suggesting that you should forgive everybody and everyone forever. The fact that God treats us with mercy and forgiveness is a tremendous incentive to do the same to others. In Psalm 103:10, David proclaimed that God does not give people what they deserve for their wrongdoing. This is the proper way to deal with those who have wronged us.

On the other hand, there is another problem associated with failing to document wrongdoing that I’d like to discuss. However, not all instances of forgiving an offender result in mending fences. Sometimes people’s confidence is betrayed or they suffer some other kind of hurt. Forgiving and forgetting the wrongdoing won’t restore the relationship to its previous state.

I’ll illustrate with an example. Let’s say you’re married, but your cheating partner keeps breaking trust by having extramarital affairs. You may forgive your partner and let the past be the past, but reconciliation may be impossible if they show no signs of wanting to change. My intention is to avoid generalizations as much as possible. I do want to demonstrate that mending damaged relationships requires more than just forgiving the offender and letting go of resentment over the wrongdoing. You can only heal with the help of forgiveness. However, the prior connection may still end as a victim in certain cases.

The first thing to do if you’ve been physically harmed is to obtain some distance so you can be safe, and then seek some advice from reliable individuals on what to do next. If you’re wondering whether or not your relationship has turned abusive, “What Does the Bible Say about Abusive Relationships?” might help.

How can we put into practice the principle that “love forgets”?

We need to go deeper than only reading and interpreting this text. If you want something to stick with you, you have to do something to make it a part of your routine. To what end, therefore, is the obvious next question. It all comes down to sharing the blessings you have received, not only from humans but from God as well. Take him at his word.

For my own sake, I am the one who forgives your offenses and does not keep a record of them. Isa. 43:25

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“Have mercy on one another; forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

God’s kindness and pity move him to forget your sins and wipe the slate clean. You should follow suit. Having love that forgets the past is a matter of making a conscious decision. But, let’s be honest, it’s not always simple to do. You may not always want to do this. To some of us, keeping tabs on our wrongdoing comes much more naturally; we may even come up with excuses for it as time goes on. I speak from experience; I, too, have engaged in this kind of activity and know the accompanying internal conflict. The effort required to forgive and let go of these records is substantial; but, the benefits of letting them go are well worth the effort. Keeping them causes you to be permanently bound to the wrong done to you. Having been wronged causes you to feel bitter, shattered, and eventually enslaved. Again, I emphasize the futility of holding a grudge since I am all too familiar with its grip. I was healed and set free from my servitude when I decided to forgive and let go of the record. Forgive and clear your name because of this.

Now, let’s talk about the procedure. Here are three suggestions that might help you stop keeping score.

The third step may be the most challenging, but it is also the one that will finally set you free from the hurt you’ve felt in the past. What you do may include sending a letter, making a phone call, sending an email, sending a card, or even buying the offender a meal. By releasing the record, you are setting yourself free.

Finally, I recognize that these are challenging terrains for Christians to traverse. Fortunately, you have support around you. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, the same God who says he would forget your sins forever also resides inside you. That’s good news since it indicates you can pull it off. This is not because you have it in you to generate the strength on your own, but rather because the Holy Spirit can provide you the power to achieve something you could never do on your own. As you put your faith in his abilities and rely on him for support, you’ll discover his incredible capacity to display a love that forgets past wrongs.

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