In dating relationships, should God or I make the first move?
If any of us went to youth group when we were in high school, we learned Christian principles for dating. The old adage said, “The lady waits to be pursued; the male pursues; the end.” But now, it seems that both sexes are actively seeking out potential partners at inopportune moments. Or neither are, for fear of rejections.
Memes abound mocking women who reject guys on the grounds that they consider them a “brother in Christ,” an explanation given by males for their lack of interest in pursuing women.
Alternatively, there are blogs that criticize women for being too proactive in their search for love, rather than waiting for God to bring the appropriate guy into their life.
Caveat: I’ve heard arguments from both sides. Christians who give up on dating totally, who happened to run across their future spouse the next day. Also, Christians who went out and did all it took to find a life partner. This paper, therefore, will not provide a definitive solution. But before deciding to move on, I will have some points of debate to share.
For What Reason Do We Advise Men to Pursue Women and Women to Be Pursued?
Most commonly, we appeal to the pattern of marriage (Ephesians 5). (Ephesians 5). Biblical marriage in some sense calls for a leader of the home. Whether someone is egalitarian or complementarian, when a couple hits in stalemate in a choice, someone will have to have the last word. An designated head—usually the husband—will make the final decision based on the interests of all parties concerned.
Because of the importance of the man’s initiative in setting the tone for the relationship, most Christians believe that men should always take the first step. Given that he took the initiative, the individual seems like he’d be a good match for the position.
I won’t take a stance (though I do have strong feelings about this issue and how it’s been misused in the past), but I do see all sides of this argument.
On the other side, we’ve entered a more equitable society. Both men and women have to work to sustain a home. In other words, now everyone is on equal ground. And I’ve spoken with many a Christian guy who claims they would be put at ease if a female had started the first date.
No matter where you stand, someone needs to make a move in order for a date to happen. Should we then sit back and wait for God to take action? Or should we seek and await God to give the following stages.
Let’s tackle some questions to answer.
Are You Forcing It?
I’ve watched so many Christians who travel from dating app to dating app in a frantic desire of finding a mate. Although God does advise us to work hard at whatever we do (Colossians 3:23) we can detect when we’re pushing it. Typically multiple closed doors tends to suggest that we’ve entered at the incorrect time and that God does not want us to pursue a romantic relationship at the present.
You may put your faith in me. Yes, I’ve been there. I have to battle against myself to avoid going back “there.”
Timeliness from God is usually obvious. So, the Spirit will probably prod you when he brings the perfect person along. To a greater extent if you have prayed earnestly for your partner. Wait for God to take the initiative if you’re the kind to attempt to make things happen on your own. He’ll let you in on when it’s time to go, go, go, I promise.
Are You Fearing Rejection?
Have you been eyeing a Christian coworker or fellow churchgoer, but you’ve been too nervous to ask them out?
In my experience, this is rather common among males. Girls, contrary to popular belief, are more likely to initiate conversation with males. But so many males will hold off on interacting with a lady because they don’t want to get another “I view you as a brother in Christ” remark. Or worse, that they’ll get ghosted. Girls usually withdraw after being repeatedly victimized in this way. Furthermore, I could go on a tirade about how harmful ghosting is in Christian dating culture; however, it would be better suited for an other piece.
In times like this, we must recall the tale of Gideon. He continually testing God to be sure that God is calling him appropriately (Judges 6). (Judges 6). When we first meet Gideon, he is visibly terrified.
God ultimately compels him to accept his calling and to put his faith in him. This may also be the case for someone who won’t strike up a discussion with someone for fear that they would receive a “no.” Listen to the Holy Spirit when you pursue someone. He will make it plain if the moment is not suitable. But in this circumstance, you probably need to make the first move.
Are You Allowing God to Move in Unexpected Ways?
Have you closed yourself off to friends and relatives setting you up? Do you have to meet your future spouse in church, or may it happen at a random venue? Maybe you need to take the initiative, or maybe God does (choose the one that sounds like you).
Too many of us have been raised in a society where the second person always has to initiate contact. A lot of singles give up hope of ever finding love because they are afraid of being rejected. Or then they’ll try to force themselves into it out of dread of being alone.
Put your trust in our mighty God and ask for direction in your romantic endeavors. His timing may not be what you’d expect or it may be too quick for those who are more cautious, but it’s always good, right, and best.