Tips for Dealing with a Rebellious Teen

Managing a Defiant Adolescent: Eleven Helpful Suggestions

Is there anything more heartbreaking for a parent than a rebellious adolescent? It’s devastating for Christian parents to see their kid reject God and disobey his or her parents’ teachings.

If you’re a mother dealing with a defiant adolescent, consider this a virtual embrace from someone who understands how tough it may be. First, let’s discuss some ground rules that will put us on solid footing before we get into any practical suggestions on parenting a rebellious adolescent.

Nothing has to do with you. The fact that we as parents are not culpable for our kids’ conduct is a difficult concept to get our heads around. What the kid does is their own business. The offspring is not born from the parent but rather from the offspring itself. Thus, your adolescent’s rebellion is more of a reflection on them than on you.

This is not a criticism of your parenting skills. This complements the first point made. Even if you take every precaution possible, your adolescent may still make poor decisions. This is because, like every other human being, your adolescent have a sinful nature that makes them susceptible to temptation.

Yet, have hope! As you navigate the challenges of parenting a defiant adolescent, keep in mind the following suggestions. WhIle I know that this article won’t be the silver bullet you’ve been looking for, I do hope that you’ll find the following eleven suggestions useful and encouraging as you continue on this challenging parenting road.

Pray

This may seem elementary, but when our kids are venturing into potentially harmful sinful area, we need to storm the gates of heaven on their behalf. Assure your adolescent that you are praying for them. However, it is important that our prayers for them reflect a genuine interest in God’s plan rather than our own preconceived notions. When praying for our defiant adolescent, it is especially important to “lean not on our own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). We must pray for them and for ourselves if we are to remain steadfast in the truth and continue to show others the route to Christ.

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Do the Right Thing and Keep Going

When dealing with a teen’s disobedience, it might be difficult to remain upright in your own convictions. However, God invites us to do just that. It’s not always easy to be the parent who imposes the penalties hoped for by the offending adolescent, but it’s necessary if we want to reach them at their core and help them change their behavior. Even if our efforts to fix the problem seem to be having little effect, we must resist the urge to give up and instead keep doing what is right.

Third, cling to the promises God has made.

In his Word, the Lord promises to preserve until the Day of Judgment those whom he has called (see Romans 8:30 and 2 Timothy 1:12). Parents are encouraged to “train up a kid in the way he should walk; even when he is old he will not deviate from it,” as the Bible says in Proverbs 22:6. It’s hard to have faith in God when we witness our adolescent go down the wrong road, but there are many promises to comfort you in God’s sacred Word.

Affection for Your Child

Keep in mind that not every encounter you have with your defiant adolescent has to be a reprimand. Because they are your kid, you owe it to them to express your affection. Even if you are sad about the direction they are taking, your affection for them will never change. Look at “8 Ways to Love Your Unrepentant Child” for additional information.

Adopt a “doors-always-open” policy.

Invite your teen’s friends over for supper if they’re hanging out with a more dangerous bunch than you’re comfortable with. Don’t hesitate to invite them to spend time with you in your leisure room, where they may relax and enjoy your TV, food, etc. While it’s important to establish ground rules like no smoking or drinking, it’s also important to take the time to get to know the kids your adolescent is interested in hanging out with.

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Don’t be too judgmental when they visit. Instead, you should ask them sincere questions about their likes and dislikes, their family situation, and their favorite pastimes. Some of the responses might catch you off guard. You can avoid turning this into a chance to preach or lecture your kid if you can find a way to connect with them instead.

No More Lectures

I know it’s hard not to correct an adolescent when they do something wrong, but think about how responsive you were when an adult or parent repeatedly harped on everything you did wrong when you were a teen. It’s true that they’re aware of the ways in which their actions annoy you, but harping on the same points will only serve to further distance you from them. Say what has to be said as briefly as possible and then shut up. If your adolescent understands you won’t bring up the subject every time you see them, he or she is more likely to pay attention.

Think About Your Position

Think about whether or not the things you’re doing constitute true rebellion. Examine your own motivations in the light of the gospel and see whether you are following God’s Word rather than your own ideas. As parents, we want to make sure that our example is one that leads children closer to Christ and less toward conforming to the expectations of society.

Let the Little Things Go

I appreciate that it may go against your beliefs to allow your kid to get a tattoo, acquire more piercings, wear a certain type of clothes, listen to music from any genre you find offensive, read forbidden literature, or watch rated R movies. Is the cost of attempting to enforce your will on them over these little issues warranted, given the importance you place on your relationship with them? The Holy Spirit will convict when required, but sometimes it’s preferable to let a kid make his or her own decisions about what to wear, what kind of music and movies to watch, etc.

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Don’t Panic

We all know how easy it is for our teenagers to get on our nerves, but try to remain calm. If you can maintain your composure, you’ll be less likely to say anything nasty that might have lasting consequences. Identify your anger triggers and be aware of them while communicating with your adolescent.

Listen to What You Say

Keeping our cool requires remembering the significance of words. Words from a parent to a kid may be very wounding. Although there are instances when we must tell the unpalatable truth with love, we must be cautious not to inflame the situation with our words. Ask your partner or make a recording of your next conversation with the kid to get a sense of how you come across. Pay close attention to your tone to see whether your sarcasm or other inflections are hurting the adolescent.

Admit when you’re wrong

We’ve all messed up as parents, and some more than others. As parents, we need to be humble enough to admit when we’re wrong and to inform our children. We must demonstrate to them the proper way to repent for violating God’s law. Yes, it won’t be simple, and it could be humiliating to change our minds about something we were once so sure about. Furthermore, it might be challenging if our adolescent lashes out at us when we attempt to make amends. But because this involves our kid, we need to be brave enough to admit fault and apologize to them.

Keep in mind that as parents, we are not called to rescue our kids (that is God’s job), but rather to be faithful to the gospel while we provide for and nurture their development. In spite of their opposition, be careful to show them love, and trust God to bring about a change of heart.

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