What Do You Hope Your Children Will Take Away from Your Marriage?

What Lessons Do You Want Your Children to Learn from Watching You and Your Spouse Coexist?

Sociologist and University of Utah professor Nicholas Wolfinger started looking into the impact of parental divorce on their children’s marital outcomes in the 1990s.

According to his research, offspring of divorced parents had a higher divorce rate than those raised in monogamous households. Couples where both members are children of divorce are at an even greater risk of breaking up than those where just one member is a kid of divorce.

Divorce affects the whole human population. We all know someone whose marriage has failed, if not their own or their parents’. Some of the folks I’ve known have had parents who went through many divorces. One of my college roommates had almost ten divorces between her parents and stepparents.

In such a setting, how can a young person understand the responsibilities and joys of a committed relationship?

Our kids are taking in all they can from us about marriage and relationships, like little sponges.

The quality of a child’s parents’ marriage has as much impact on the child’s future mental and physical health and well-being as does the child’s connection with either parent, according to research released by the United States Department of Health and Human Services.

That is to say, a kid is influenced just as much by his or her parents’ marriage as they are by their own.

The success or failure of the marriage will have lasting impacts on the kid, and realizing this should prompt thoughtful consideration and the correct questions. The question is, what lessons are we imparting to our kids via our union?

Will they be able to have a happy marriage if all they know is what they’ve learnt so far? What am I doing wrong that I need to change?

Each day, our kids pick up new knowledge from us. Only roughly 18 years remain in our house with them.

There are a few things that, as I consider my own marriage, I hope my children will pick up through seeing my wife and myself.

1. The Value of Authenticity

You may have heard the adage, “honesty is the best policy.” In reality, honesty is one of the most crucial characteristics for a successful marriage. You need to be able to talk about your concerns, issues, and aspirations freely.

A great lot of solace is what honesty brings you,” Dr. Barton Goldsmith writes in Psychology Today. If you and your partner can offer each other the positive energy you need to handle life’s inevitable ups and downs, you’ll be able to weather any storm together and have a long, happy life together. Being truthful is not only a good habit; it’s a way of life. Keeping it at the center of your relationship will attract more positive energy and keep the negative out. Your partnership will flourish to its full potential if you both know you can trust one other completely.

Honesty in our children may be encouraged when they see their parents prioritizing open and honest communication in their own marriage.

2. Methods of Forgiveness and Repentance

Asking for and giving forgiveness are equally challenging tasks. Although my wife and I seldom get into physical altercations, we do have our differences of opinion.

Disagreements may be sparked by our divergent points of view, leading to unwarranted behavior against one another. At such moments, it’s more important for our kids to see and hear us admitting the issue and working to resolve it.

These guidelines for dispute resolution and forgiveness were written by Sarah Hilgendorf for Focus on the Family. One, “when an argument disintegrates, it is good to head out of hearing.” But make a reappearance in the last chapter; display forgiving and being forgiven. Tell the truth. What kind of message do you convey about the insincerity of apologies and forgiveness if you pout and avoid eye contact after making up? Even though you feel the want to blame your partner, it’s better for the sake of your relationship if you instead examine your own behavior.

Our house will be the primary environment in which our children learn to resolve conflicts. Only by seeing it practiced at home can children learn how to forgive others when they are wronged.

Knowing when to be contrite and seek pardon is another skill that may be taught. We really can’t do that! Getting kids off to a good start is crucial if we want them to succeed in healthy relationships in the future.

3. A Guide to Patience Practice

Popular praise songs by Grammy-winning artist Laura Story include “Blessings” and “Mighty to Save.” Quite a testament, indeed. Their son Martin was diagnosed with a brain tumor not long after the couple tied the knot.

Even though it was successfully removed, he now has permanent injuries and disabilities that need ongoing care. Laura has some understanding of the value of patience and often talks about it.

She explains that the cause of impatience in a romantic partnership is the partner’s failure to live up to one’s own expectations. It’s important to take a step back and admit, “This is something I need to relinquish” when it comes to whatever is generating strain in your marriage. I need to give this to God and let Him handle it.

Martin’s cognitive impairment causes him to repeatedly ask the same questions or state the same ideas. As a result of this, God has been able to transform Laura’s outlook on life. She’s not going to let herself become irritated, since she understands this is a chance to show others Jesus.

This is a chance for me to question him in a respectful manner each of the five times. Most importantly, we are learning to extend more grace to one another and to put greater faith in Jesus as a result of our marriage.

The virtue of patience is often rewarded but seldom practiced. Simply put, it calls on us to put aside our own wants and needs in favor of those of others. Avoid acting proudly or arrogantly, and instead put the needs of others ahead of your own. The Bible says, “Let everyone of you watch out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4).

For our kids to develop patience as adults, they need to see us practicing it first.

4. Why They Require a Saviour

Marriage is a blessing from God. To which God said, “It is not desirable that the man should be alone; I will create him a helper suited for[a] him.” Because of this, “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold tight to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:18–24.

Pastor and author Richard Coekin says on marriage in his book Ephesians for You: “According to Ephesians 5:21-33, our loving Creator has ingrained marriage into the instincts of mankind and fabric of human society in order to awaken desire and prepare hearts for the love of Christ. An exemplary Christian marriage proclaims to the angelic realms that God’s intention to unite all things in Christ has been successful.

“In the community of God’s people, marriage is transformed from a battlefield into a field of triumph, where two sinners may stay married and work together for the sake of Christ. God has specifically selected this as a picture of Christ’s love for the church in the covenant. Therefore, this text not only talks of the things we might pray for married couples, but also celebrates the close connection of all believers with Christ—the one to whom we shall one day be wedded in the ultimate’marriage made in heaven.”

Marriage is a beautiful reflection of God’s character, heart, and image. To see God’s love and our dependence on him more clearly is a gift this season offers us.

Our children learn more about love and God when they see us modeling a good, loving marriage for them.

What do you hope your children will learn from seeing you as a couple? Remember that when it comes to passing on knowledge and skills to our children, more is picked up via observation than instruction. But there’s power in modesty, and it may lead to incredible rewards.