When You Get the Feeling That Everyone Else Is Getting Married Except for You
Many of my single friends have either stopped using social media or drastically reduced their time spent there. Exactly why do they think that way? Given that every other update featured a wedding or engagement photo. They felt a crushing pang of regret as they browsed through these. And now it seems as though they’ve been completely forgotten. That people would judge them for not having found a godly partner yet. To add insult to injury, that actually does happen on occasion.
What do we do, then, fellow singles, when it seems like everyone we know is getting married all at once? Many of us recognize that we should rejoice for them, yet we can’t shake the idea that God has forgotten about us.
Here is what patient prayer has taught me: even if these “solutions” might not be a perfect fit for your circumstance, I can still hit the “like” button, send a “congratulations,” and believe that God is looking out for my best interests.
First, keep in mind that romance isn’t a contest.
I wish I could share the advice my high school cross country coach gave me, since life is one and it is a race (Hebrews 12:1-3).
We don’t compete with the other couples either. We’re not in a rush to be married just to cross it off our list. Many Christians are in such a hurry to tie the knot that they end up marrying the wrong person. They abandon the Lord and attach themselves to an unbeliever, an abuser, or someone whose character is immature or corrupt. That’s why the Christian divorce rate follows the global average.
Recognize that there is a distinct “race” for each Christian. While your buddy who just got engaged may be at the beginning of a flat plateau in her life, you may be at the peak of your mountain. Keep going, keep moving, and hang in there.
Second, keep in mind that social media is a place where people only share the highlights of their lives.
The sight of these happy couples may make you feel bad about your own dating situation. Couples seldom talk about their struggles, such as the number of bad dates they went on or the number of dating apps or small groups they tried before finding “the one.” When it comes to sharing experiences on social media, nobody wants to share anything terrible.
Perfection is what you see on social media because it is curated.
We forget that these couples probably had to take 40 photos to locate the one with the ideal lighting as we marvel at their picture-perfect engagements, nuptials, and kids. It’s amazing that they got a happy shot of their kids right before they lost it.
This is just to say that everyone has unique challenges. No problems can be solved by getting married. Unfortunately, it usually makes things worse when they already aren’t great. As a result, I may go on to my next point…
Thirdly, Happiness in One’s Personal Life Precedes and Follows Marriage
Anticipate rolled eyes. Every married person does indeed advise others who are still single, “Oh, just relax for a while. If you can’t see past your differences, you’ll never find marital bliss.”
Hear me out, though; as a person who is very much on their own, I can attest that this is not completely false (Philippians 4:11-13).
My illustration will come from the publishing industry. Once I signed a publishing contract, I was sure everything would start to improve. After several years of searching, I was able to secure one from a conventional publisher. Was I utterly satisfied after hearing this? Did I finally find the answer to all my problems?
In fact, it didn’t since I recently received my first royalty check, and the amount didn’t exactly make me feel happy. As such, I lamented, “Ugh, I wish I had been engaged by a bigger corporation so I could earn more money off the books.” Then what happened? You put it perfectly. Did you manage to solve my difficulties with this?
Not at all!
So, you understand. This is the conundrum from “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” You can never have just one of anything because once you have one, you can never be satisfied. This might happen in a couple’s relationship if:
Well, I’d be thrilled if I found a Christian person to date.
Actually, if I were to be married to this guy, I would be completely happy.
Affection from my partner would make me happy, so maybe that’s the answer.
Maybe we’d be happier if we started a family together, since then we’d have more of a motive to cooperate with each other.
This may go on forever. We need to cultivate contentment in our current conditions to ever enjoy happiness in future ones. This doesn’t imply you should put on a phony grin and claim, “I adore being single.” The time has come for us to tell the truth. It’s unlikely that any of us who were built for love could speak such words with any sincerity. But we may give thanks to God for the good things he has already done in our lives. The good things of being single may be acknowledged and appreciated.
Option Four: Keep the Unheard Majority in Mind
Incorrect; not all of your buddies have tied the knot. It may seem that way. Many Christians who are single and struggling with loneliness don’t talk about it, though.
Most singles feel entirely alone, even if I agree with some of the more outspoken single Christians on problems of exclusion and how the church handles singles ministry. Don’t think that for a second because it’s not. There are many of individuals who understand how you feel and who may benefit from prayer the same way you would.
We may fight back against this by talking openly about our feelings of isolation. We may seek for prayer on social media and beg our fellow married Christians not to leave us out of church and life activities.
To illustrate, consider Elijah. He had convinced himself that he was a lone prophet. To the effect that no other Israelites sided with the Lord (1 Kings 19). Because of his isolation, he wants to end his life in a physical way. The Lord provides for his needs, enables him to relax, and reassures him that he is not abandoned. Seven thousand I have set aside in Israel, all of them have not bowed to Baal or kissed his lips.
You are not in this struggle by yourself. Create a support group of single Christians to believe in God, pray for each other, and lift each other up.