Why does singlehood hurt?

Is There Something About Being Single That’s So Disappointing?

There is a blessing in being single. I can almost guarantee that everyone reading this is rolling their eyes right now. That much is certain: I have. Since it doesn’t feel like a present at all. This talent, like patience, may really sting at times. We may feel ignored or unloved, like we were left off the team before it ever started.

Nevertheless, Paul advocates for being a single (1 Corinthians 7). So did Jesus (Matthew 19:11). Irritation of the mind caused by incongruity of thought. Why do so many people who were made to be married feel abandoned by God when they witness everyone else around them getting married except themselves?

I should note that not every Christian will or intends to get married before we get into some of the reasons for this. Some people choose celibacy as a lifestyle choice, while others choose it as a means to escape sexual temptation. Christians reading this should know that they are not being singled out in any way. However, I want to speak to the many eligible singles out there who feel God has closed the door on marriage for them.

Let’s look at the reasons why being single may be so difficult, and how to fight back against Satan’s lies.

Reason No. 1: Marriage Is Held in High Regard by the Church.

The amount of times I’ve told other single people in church that if the church didn’t place so much pressure on singles to get married, there would be many more single people in church would be impossible to count. Remember, I’m not trying to be ambiguous here. This is also a cultural phenomenon. For the most part, media outlets like Hallmark’s holiday films reinforce the concept that no matter how successful we become professionally or personally, we haven’t “made it” in life until we say “I do.”

Almost all aspects of church life—from church groups to sermon illustrations—are designed with married people in mind. Many of my single church friends have told me that they no longer speak to anybody who is married. Rather than treating their single pals as equals, they speak down to them as if they were at a lower level.

Of course, not every place of worship is like way. I hope that’s quite obvious. Seeing how outcast singles might feel, some churches actively work to include them, treat them with respect, and provide them plenty of chances to connect with others and serve the community.

Ask any churchgoer who isn’t married, and I’ll bet you they’ve felt the intense pressure to find someone to settle down with so they may be treated with respect and dignity. Which is why the Christian divorce rate mirrors the global average. This is why many Christians settle for abusive or weak Christian spouses: they were pressured by their churches to quit being so selective and just get married.

Methods for Dealing with This We, the church, must do better. Theoretically, being single is a blessing from God, therefore it’s important to view our status as such. Each member of the congregation should feel welcome and included at church functions, whether they are a single parent, a grandmother raising their grandchildren, a young adult without a partner, or an older member grieving the loss of a spouse. The nuclear family is not extinct, although it is not as common as it was in the past. That’s why we have to change to accommodate everyone.

Reason No. 2: We are focusing on our own timeline rather than God’s.

Somehow, it seems like God is holding back from us. After all, many younger and more immature individuals than ourselves have chosen to tie the knot. God apparently doesn’t want to set us up with a life partner, but why not? Where did we go wrong?

The societally acceptable age of marriage is established by culture. Even if our loved ones say, “Oh, you have time,” we can’t listen to them. They mean “but not much” when they say this. Since I was sixteen years old, I’ve been under intense peer pressure to find a male partner. Since then, everyone I know has been continually asking me, “When will you find a boy?” Sometimes they’ll tell you to “well, go join a small group and you’ll meet him” or something like.

There has been no progress after nine iterations of this. Pressure from the outside might cause us to internalize the feeling. And so we pray to the Holy Spirit, asking, “Why haven’t you brought him into my life yet?”

God’s time isn’t always the same as ours. But if we take a good, hard look at our past and how we would have changed things, we should definitely thank God that he didn’t take our advice.

One example is that I really wanted to get a book published before I was eighteen. Now that I’m 24, I see how much effort and money are invested in advertising and promoting the process. Once upon a time, when I was young and naive, I. If God had answered yes and given me a book contract when I was 17, I can only image the disappointment I would have felt. In all likelihood, I would have left the publishing sector long ago.

The best way to deal with this is to trust in God’s timetable for your life. You can count on him without fail. Additionally, he did not bring you this far to just leave you there.

Reason No. 3: We Seek Affection Elsewhere Besides God

In what ways does a union benefit us? Most of the time, it’s because we’re seeking reassurance, acceptance, and affection. However, if we have a personal connection with the Lord that results in salvation, he continually provides for us in this way. A partner will let us down in a number of ways. The affection they show us may not always be reciprocated. Treat us with the respect we deserve, etc. However, our faith in God guarantees that we will never be let down.

Don’t misunderstand me. There are a lot of wonderful benefits to being married. A paradigm based on Christ’s love for the church, the gift of sex between two committed partners, etc. Each of these events is eagerly anticipated. Yet, marriages do not last indefinitely. Our fellowship with the Lord, however, will.

You can fight this by learning to be grateful for what you have right now. Currently, God has showered you with an abundance of benefits. It’s easy to romanticize marriage in our thoughts, omitting the inevitable disagreements, tough days, and isolation. Don’t fret about the future; instead, focus on the now by expressing gratitude.