Pastor Ayo Akerele is an Author, Public Speaker, Researcher, Leadership Expert and the Lead Pastor at Rhema For Living Assembly in London, United Kingdom. He took to his verified Facebook page to reveal why Christian sisters remain unmarried.
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WHY MANY CHRISTIAN SISTERS REMAIN UNMARRIED
I had the privilege of speaking at a Christian women’s conference over the weekend and among other issues, the question on the lips of majority of the women was, “WHY ARE MANY CHRISTIAN LADIES WAITING FOR SO LONG TO GET A MAN”. I tried my best to answer this question. I felt led to share some of my thoughts for the benefits of some of our Christian sisters who are still waiting for the right man to come. Note: I am a pastor. These are my opinions. I am not forcing them on anyone. Some of my thoughts here are bible based, not culturally based, and some are the wisdom we gathered from mentoring people and from counselling sessions. This is a post for Christians. No feminist must come on my page to insult or attack anyone. If you are not happy with my comments, you may simply walk away or delete them. God bless you.
1. A lot of Christian women are still waiting because they’ve set for themselves very unrealistic and unattainable standards of the kind of man they are looking for. So, they are masters at wasting opportunities. There are cases of women who said, “if he is not a graduate of Oxford, I can’t deal”. Someone told me that the lady said, “if your salary is not up to this amount, I can’t deal”. I told him that he had not found a wife. Why? The day they fire you, she may dump you. Of course, it’s your life and you can marry whoever you want. But if you are a believer, and have set such a standard, you have shot yourself in the foot. Be wary of the kind of list you are drawing. A lot of women have actually wasted a lot of opportunities that came their way because of their unrealistic list.
2. A lot of women have got very bad attitudes that push many potential suitors away. Greet them, they reply you with insults. And the christian community is not an exception. Humility is like a perfume. Treat all men with respect. Even if you would never accept someone’s proposal, treat him with respect. He may be a friend to the right man – and his recommendation may be all that will attract that man to you. By God’s grace, it was my recommendation that sealed the deal for a beloved sister in Christ. The potential man asked me if she was a good person and I sealed the deal,. Today they are married. Attitude smells more than perfumes.
3. Some Christian women have been trapped by their allegiance to their pastor and their church,. We’ve got cases of pastors deliberately standing against marriage to men from other ministries so that the lady won’t leave the church. This is witchcraft. Tens of thousands of Christian women are going through this particular challenge,. They have sold their wills to their pastors, and since there are no suitors in their church, they have remained single and are now in their late 40s and early 50s,. When you are ready to get married, you will open up yourself to believers from anywhere in the body of Christ.
4. Some cases are actually the result of a demonic affliction. We can’t shy away from that,. There are cases where some women are being held down by a specific demonic opposition and they need to pray and break free from such afflictions. In fact, many of them get suitors, but something will just happen, and the relationship will break down. If you notice such a pattern in your life and 3, 4, 5 men are coming into your life and are dumping you even when you have been very good to them, you need to pray or talk to a matured believer or your pastor
5. Some cases are self-inflicted. A lot of Christian women are embracing funny cultural biases that put them in direct confrontation with scriptures. To them, the bible is now obsolete. This is 21st century. I cannot submit to any man. I am also a man. So, there are going to be two men in the marriage. I am talking to Christian women now. If you want to operate your marriage using your own model and strategy, and you want to remain a Christian, you will have a lot of problem. You must marry a man you are willing to submit to. Submission is not slavery or dominance or male superiority – all of which are the reasons for some of the abuses we have in marriage. The biblical model of marriage is that the man is the head, and the woman is the helper. Not a slave-master relationship. If you are genuine believer in Christ, and you are looking for a man that you will head or that will share the headship role with you, you will wait for a long time.
6. Some cases have to do with the physical attributes and looks of the woman. The woman’s body is the first thing that men look at – regardless of how anointed the man is. A lot of Christian men may pretend that they closed their eyes while assessing their wives. But that is a lie., Men are driven by what they can see. Some women are not well kept. They don’t manage their weight and given this, a lot of men are put off,. I have spoken against body-shaming women in several of my teachings. I stand against every form of abuse – including emotional abuse. But truth must be told, if you don’t package yourself very well, and look very fit, a lot of men will be put off. Shed some weight; eat well; wear sparkling beautiful and descent clothes and with a right attitude and a good spirit, you will be findable.
7. Some Christian women are not findable. They spend the whole of their time at work, and then at home and then again, back to work and at home. Where will the man find you? They are not strategically positioned to be found. They don’t socialize. I didn’t say you should be going to clubs. I meant relating to people outside of your normal schedule. Joining social groups; Christian committees; Whatsapp groups; community events; weddings, birthday parties, and other online & offline platforms where you meet with people. Some women don’t even have any functioning Facebook page with their pictures. They want to keep a low profile, but yet, are looking for husbands. No man lights a candle and puts it under a bushel. I connected with my wife while she was at a wedding party.
8. Some Christian women don’t want to leave their comfort zones. The men that are asking you out are based in America, have better jobs than you, but you don’t want to relocate to America because of your circle of friends and social status in the UK. Of course, it is also possible for your husband to relocate to your own place too. But that depends on who has the better profile. He is a manager of a bank in New York, and you are doing a per hr job in Canada. Then, you are asking him to relocate to Canada and abandon his better paying job? Then, you’re not ready to get married. Location has grounded a lot of women. I tell the women in this situation to go on vacation to Nigeria, Ghana and get out of their comfort zones.
9. Some women have just come out of a very bad experience of abuse from a previous relationship. Some are actually a victim of abuse. Now, to them, all men are bad. Consequently, they don’t open up to suitors. They will frustrate all men that come around them. They will cut the phone on them; insult them; block them on social media and transfer the aggression of a previous relationship to them. Yet, they are still praying for the right man to come. If you are in this condition, you may need to see a psychologist or a mental health consultant to help you overcome these past pains and hurts.
10. Some cases are simply a product of time. The right time has not come. There is a special assignment for you and God needs you to marry a particular man. If you miss this man, it is a disaster. For these cases, a lot of patience and endurance are needed. This is the situation of a lot of people as well,. You will need to pray to get a unique word from the Lord if you case falls within this scope. This is why believers need to be trained to know how to hear the voice of God. You will need to know whether this is your case or not by praying to hear God.
Above all, the God factor is non negotiable. Remaining prayerful while doing your best as explained above will certainly open you up to a God-fearing relationship. Learning to forgive and moving on will also help you. Have a positive attitude; look good and make yourself to be very smart; be respectful to all men. All men are not devils,. All men are not evil. I am not perfect, but I have never used a foul language against my wife in nearly 15yrs of marriage. Not even, “don’t you think”? Neither has the smallest finger of my hand ever touched her. And there are millions of much better men than me out there. Not all men are evil and terrible. You will be surprised at how things will work out and the right man will locate you if you could only make some little changes here and there.
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