The three words you need to hear when you are lacking courage

In the course of our conversation I ask you
how life is going and you give the
instinctual response of “Fine,” or “Pretty
good,” or “Can’t complain.” But I know
that’s not completely true. There are some
things happening in your life that are
difficult. Some things you would change if
you could. I understand that you don’t
mention those things because it’s not
socially acceptable to respond to “How ya
doing?” with an honest answer about your
pain, struggles, and challenges.

But since this conversation isn’t real and
we are only imagining, let’s imagine that it
isn’t culturally unacceptable and I really do
want to know how you are doing. How
would you respond? Instead of asking
“How ya doing?” what if I asked “If there’s
one thing you would change in your life,
what would it be?” I asked a few thousand
people on social media this question and
got all kinds of responses.

Their grade school–age child is losing the
battle with cancer.

They’re angry with God.

They’ve been married less than two years.
They’re ready to call it quits.

She’s been sick for too long, and the
doctors have no idea why.

They love their special needs child.

Whatever your story, my words of encouragement to you
would probably be the same. They are the
same words I need to hear on a regular
basis. DON’T GIVE UP.

I could package it differently: Keep going.
Don’t stop. Hang on. Hold fast. Stand firm.
Hallmark has likely done a few hundred
more variations on the theme, with the
glossy sunrise and lighthouse images to go
with them. Why? Because the need for
these simple words of encouragement is
universal.
Don’t give up. Those three words offer more
than comfort; they offer courage.
Someone who is dealing with grief needs to
hear it differently than someone who is
struggling with guilt.
Someone who is walking out needs to hear
it differently than someone who is being
walked out on.
Someone who is angry needs to hear it
differently than someone who is addicted.
Someone who is scared needs to hear it
differently than someone who is sick.
Someone who is desperate needs to hear it
differently than someone who is indifferent.
As a pastor I’ve discovered that some
variation of “Don’t give up” is the message
most people need to hear, although I have
found that my tone isn’t always the same.
Sometimes I say it with a kind of gentle
tone. Let’s call it the Mister Rogers
approach. Sometimes struggling people
need to be comforted. That means a warm
smile, a soft voice, and an awesome
sweater jacket like Mister Rogers wore.
This kind of encouragement to not give up
usually includes pats on the back and
statements such as:
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
You’ve been through so much.
I don’t know how you’ve kept going.
It’s not fair, and it’s not your fault.
Things are going to work out. You’ll see.
People like to hear things like that. In fact,
if you picked up this book because its title
is Don’t Give Up, then chances are these
are the things you want me to say to you.
But here’s what I’ve realized. Sometimes,
when we feel like giving up, what we want
is Mister Rogers to come knock on our
door— but what we need is William
Wallace. Who is
William Wallace? You saw Braveheart,
right? That’s his story, and I don’t
remember him wearing any sky-blue
sweater jackets or white tennis shoes. He’s
not a hug-it-out guy, telling you to cheer up.
No, this guy paints his face like a hardcore
football fan. He grabs you by the shoulder,
and he says—even growls—stuff like this:
This is not the time to give up and go
home!
It’s time to fight!
Don’t you dare back down!
You’re tired. You’re discouraged. But don’t
give up!
When we’re right on the edge of quitting,
when we’re beaten down, when we feel
utterly overwhelmed, comfort may sustain
us but courage is often what we need to
move forward. It gets us taking back the
ground we’ve lost in the battle.
Let’s call it by another name:
encouragement . The New Oxford American
Dictionary defines encouragement as
“The action of giving someone support,
confidence, or hope,” which is pretty much
what we think it means. Until we get to the
secondary definition: “Persuasion to do or
to continue something.”
That second one has verbs. Now we’re
getting somewhere.

Encouragement is a battle cry. It’s a call to
move, to act, to advance. What kind of
words accomplish that? To encourage
means, of course, to give courage—to
“speak courage into.” That’s not the same
as making someone feel better. It’s not
patching up a wound but rather putting a
weapon in their hands. It’s giving them a
fresh horse and the will to advance.

I don’t know which one you need. The blue
sweater guy or the blue face guy. Probably
a little bit of both. But I’ve discovered that
many of us have some voices of comfort
in our lives yet what we really need is a
voice of courage. We may feel the need for
sympathy when what we really need is
strength.

This is an excerpt from Don’t Give Up: Faith
That Gives You The Confidence To Keep
Believing And The Courage To Keep Going,
the new book from Kyle Idleman, published
by Baker Books priced £9.99. Printed with
Permission.