WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump has
announced that America will be reopening soon,
and the occasion will be celebrated with an
“insane” “once-in-a-lifetime” Grand Reopening
Sale.
The grand reopening extravaganza will include
50% off all landmarks and monuments, in a bid to
make back some of the trillions lost during the
recession.
“We’ve got monuments, we’ve got landmarks,
we’ve got national parks — and it’s all going 50%
off!” an animated Trump shouted during a
commercial for the big event. “We’re slashing
prices all around the nation. Need to pick up a
special something for that special someone? Why
not come on down to the National Mall and get
yourself a Lincoln Memorial for millions off the
sticker price?”
“But wait! There’s more! The first 100 shoppers
will receive The Art of the Deal absolutely free! And
every copy will be signed by yours truly! Whaaat?
Why would I do something like this? Because I’m
craaaaaazy!!!!”
Be the first to comment