What to do When Your Partner Offend You
Something happened recently between my friend and I. Because I extended a hand of kindness to her, I expected her to reciprocate, not by paying me back in my coin, but at least to show a little care when I needed it but she didn’t. In the process, I got offended and I expected her to realize her wrong.
Funny enough, she didn’t and was living her normal life. There I was, bittered and I withdrew. I stopped talking to her intentionally so could realize her wrong. But you know what? She didn’t. After a while, I broke the long silence by chatting her up.
“Did you know you offended me?” I told her.
“Oh, really?” She replied. I told her the XYZ
she did and she apologized.
We reconciled and we got back into talking terms.
From the above drama that played out between us, did you know that many relationships have been affected based on this kind of situation? Some, insignificant issue has led to their separation. Many have even allowed a major issue to escalate into irreconcilable difference, and now they’re heading for a divorce.
Offense is a situation that causes hurt, makes one upset or angry, and this is unavoidable in relationships. No matter how rosy or romantic your relationship is at the onset, you’d offend one another in the process.
Offense may be unintentional. This happens due to our differences – belief, education, values, upbringing, attitude, perception or reaction. But when it’s deliberate, then it’s a big issue.
How to cope with offenses in your relationship when they come? You can draw some lessons from these.
- Swallow your ego
Everyone has it. It only raises its head like a serpent when it’s bruised. When your ego is affected, it makes you feel hurt, taken for granted or cheated. When you allow your ego to drive your reaction when you’re offended, your relationship suffers.
- Embrace forgiveness Forgiveness is your ability to let go of pain, hurt, bitterness or resentment which are outcomes of offenses.
To err is human, but to forgive is divine. Forgiveness is not waiting for your partner or spouse to say, “I’m sorry,” it is you swallowing your ego (right, entitlement) to approach your partner to seek a redress.
Forgiveness is to liberate the offender from the prison cage of your mind when they don’t deserve it.
- Don’t assume
Oftentimes we assume that our partner should know what’s going on in our mind when we are offended. But it doesn’t work.
Assumption is costly. When you assume, issues linger, and emotional weeds take over your life. When you assume, you’d begin to suspect your partner or read meanings to their actions and inaction.
Assumption won’t help you, nor will it help your relationship. You just need to speak out and let your partner know what they did wrong.
- Be wiser
When there’s no crack in a wall, a lizard can’t enter into it. It’s wisdom to discern issues that could lead to a crack in the wall of your relationship.
Offense is one of the issues that causes friction in a relationship and if you’re not wiser to understand its consequence, you’d fall its victim. Think of the consequences and don’t prove your right.
When you give in to offense, you’d give the devil a place in your relationship, and trust me, he will take a mile. Be wiser than the devil who seek an avenue to destroy your relationship once you stay offended.
- Don’t put asunder
Aside third party influence that separates relationship, unresolved offense will put a gap in the bond of intimacy between you two. You can allow yourself to put your relationship in asunder when you fail to resolve disputes.
And when the devil sees a crack, he’ll widen it till it collapse your union. Do you know that it’s through unresolved issues that third-party influence creep into a relationship to ruin it?
Offenses are inevitable but how you handle it determines what it does to your relationship. Don’t feel too big or too cheapened to say, “I’m sorry,” “Please forgive me.” Don’t allow ego prevent you from being the first to resolve dispute or misunderstanding.
It’s unwise to count scores when you’re offended. It’s wisdom to quickly resolve gaps created by offense. No one lifts the trophy for staying offended; it’ll affect your oneness and peaceful coexistence. However, resolve it as fast as possible.
© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2019
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