Words are powerful, and they can be used to build an relationship or to destroy a relationship.
Years of building an amazing relationship can be wasted just by the use of one single word, this is why it is necessary for us learn how to avoid uttering somewords to our respective partners.
In this article, we would be learning about the words you should never say to your Lover no matter what.
Here are 10 things to avoid saying to your lover:
1. You’re crazy
The way someone feels can never be “wrong” or “crazy.” Instead, say, “I can see how you would feel that way.” Unless you’re using it a joke that probably both of you have gotten accustomed to, always refrain from saying this word to your lover
2. Nothing.
The “silent treatment,” or in couples-therapist-speak “stonewalling,” is very dangerous to a relationship. It creates disconnection and frustration. Instead, tell your partner you need a short amount of time to “cool off,” and then intentionally go back to the conversation later.
No matter how cool headed your lover is, when you keep frustrating him/her by giving them the silent treatment, he or she might lose it with you later on
3. “It’s your fault.”
Assigning blame is point blank useless and nonconstructive. It just leads to further disconnection and anger. Instead, always also consider your contribution to the problem.
Also, directly ask of your partner for what you would like him/her to do differently instead of assigning blame. Instead of saying words that you know will only make your lover spiteful, why not try something cooler to say?
4. You never do anything right
Criticism has been identified by researchers as one of the four communication habits that predict divorce.
It does more harm than Good so why not ignore it completely.? Instead of discussing all of your partner’s shortcomings, again, be constructive. Simply tell him/her how you feel and what you would like him/her to do differently.
5. “Just be nicer/better,” or any other vague request.
While making a request is better than criticism, vague and unrealistic requests can just further intensify the situation by frustrating your partner. Tell your spouse specifically what you would like, and be realistic. You don’t have to increase the already heightened tension that is on ground between you too.
6. Using the word divorce/breakup
Using the “D” word is not ideal for your relationship if when you want to get out of a bad situation with your lover. Naturally, this might come out from your mouth in a minute of rage and it’s out before you can even stop it or you probably want to get out your anger and hurt your partner. It causes mistrust and uncertainty in the relationship.
Instead, explain how you feel and what you would want your spouse to do differenty in the future. If you are too angry to talk rationally, take a short, intentional break, but go back to the conversation later.
7. You don’t do like my friend’ wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend
One of the greatest mistake you can make when you are annoyed at your partner is to compare him/her to others. Do not go down that path.
Instead, focus on your spouse’s contribution, and openly appreciate him/her for what he/she does “right.” If there is room for improvement, without mentioning any comparision, simply ask your partner for what you would like him/her to do with a reasonable and specific request.
8. This is why my mum/dad/relatives/friends e.t.c do not like you
Love is supposed to conquer all, right? Then you don’t have to open up old wounds when your lover is concerned
Instead, show solidarity to your spouse when it comes to other people’s criticism. If you have you own issue with your spouse’s behavior, take it up with him/her by explaining your feelings and making a direct request. There is no need to “gang up” on him/her in order to make your point.
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