THERE IS DIGNITY IN YOUR UNIQUENESS. YOU MUST APPRECIATE WHO AND WHAT GOD HAS MADE OUT OF YOU.

AVOID COMPETITIVE JEALOUSY.
WHAT MAKES YOU AVOID COMPETITIVE JEALOUSY IS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE A UNIQUE EXPRESSION OF GOD’S GLORY.

ASSOCIATION DEMANDS THAT YOU RID YOURSELF OFF JEALOUSY.

ASSOCIATION DEMANDS FORBEARANCE, FORGIVENESS AND YOU BEING AN ACTIVE CONTRIBUTOR.

DO NOT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU ARE ONLY RECEIVING.

IT IS A TERRIBLE THING FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW YOU AS A SELF-CENTERED PERSON.

BE A SELFLESS PERSON. LIFE IS A BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU A GIVER.

• Apostle Joshua Selman at Koinonia on ‘BLESSED BY ASSOCIATION’ (Part 2).

PRINCIPLES OF MAINTAINING QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS:

1. Avoid competitive jealousy (Proverbs 14:30). It is a weakness in all men. Competitive jealousy has nothing to do with being bad or good. It is a limitation in men. The moment we feel incapacitated based on an obvious reference, the temptation is there. It’s something you must be intentional about. You think because you have the Holy Ghost or the Word…, automatically, everyone will at one point or the other be tempted on this wise.

Proverbs 27:4
Can I tell you this? Except you’ve not been alive for a while, you must have come across this as a temptation and the Lord is granting you the grace now to build through the immunity of the Word, you must enter into a covenant that when God brings you to people and association that are for your destiny, you must make up your mind that you will fight with the determination of a warrior, to make sure that you run away from competitive jealousy.

We live in a world of social media and statistics where it is easy for people to compare and contrast whether as a man of God or businessman, we live in a celebrity world where there is an obsession to show that you are the one doing this or that. You have to be very careful. Thank God for westernization but we must be very careful because it is turning human beings to become something else. There is dignity in your uniqueness. You must appreciate who and what God has made out of you. Our parameter for success especially in our world today has to be re-edited from the lens of God’s Word. So that we do not put the pressure that begins to fabricate competitive jealousy.

When God hides you, it is proof that you are extremely special to Him. One of the ways that God shows how special a person or a thing is that, He hides the thing. Look at the formation of a human body, the part that are more precious, that are really responsible for you being alive and healthy are hidden. Success has an implication on those who are on the on-lookers because the moment you are commanding result of any sort, generally, your result kills the excuses of people who have used excuses to justify mediocrity and that can lead to jealousy.

Avoid competitive jealousy. What makes you avoid competitive jealousy is the knowledge that you are a unique expression of God’s glory.

2. Avoid ill or evil speaking and that extends to things like; backbiting, gossip and so on and so forth. (Titus 3:2, Proverbs 6:16-19). God gave you the gift of words and mind for edification and lifting, not for tearing down others. One of the way we make decisions is to understand the consequences that are on the other side of the decisions before we make them.

The difference between a meaningful discussion and backbiting or evil speaking is motive. You will eventually have to talk about people and things, but the difference is motive. When you discussion is to create an occasion to tear people down, it is called evil speaking. We must obtain grace tonight in the name of Jesus Christ to be able to rise beyond the grip of these kind of things. One of the blessings of being purposeful is focus. That when you are purposeful, your purpose occupies you so much, you hardly have extra time for frivolities and the things that made for base living.

3. Avoid offence.
   Offence is the ease with which you get irritated, agitated, angry and resentful. I believe this was one of the things that brought John the Baptist down because John spent his time and had a wonderful track record but when he was now done, he himself said, “I must decrease that Jesus will increase.” Excellent! John would have finished strong and we’ll except that when he went, he was idle and he was no longer shining. An offence came in and he went about, discussing another man’s business and they jailed him, about to kill him and now, he said, “Go and tell Him (Jesus), are you the Messiah or should we expect another?” That is not a statement deserving an answer, it is proof that offence had come in.

4). Practice forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32). Anybody who tells you forgiveness is easy is lying. Anybody who tells you forgiveness is easy has not been offended. There are people who are too innocent to understand this teaching this night. They’ve been shielded by so many people. Forgiveness is a kind of giving. When you forgive, you don’t help the one you are forgiving, you help yourself. Bitterness and offence, is like piercing yourself with a knife and holding it there. It is like drinking poison and expecting another person to die.

Luke 6:37
The people who have it hardest to forgive are the ones who are in greater need of forgiveness. You will never be able to excel, having profitable relationships and associations or live with anybody, any organization, any friend at all if you do not practice forgiveness.

If you don’t practice saying, “I am sorry”, you will never be able to excel in this life. “I am sorry” does not kill, it simply means, I am better today than I was yesterday. There are people who have lost jobs today, simply because they could not say “I am sorry.” There are people who have lost profitable relationships because they could not say, “I am sorry”. Let me teach you something; do not allow your spiritual growth to make for an occasion where you cannot say, “I am sorry”. There are parents that need to say “I am sorry” to their children. Don’t be ashamed. It does not stop you from being a father or a mother.

Some of you are even offended with God now, “God, I don’t know how you want us to pray again?” One day, I wish you could read some of the text messages people send to me. Since they cannot see God, you are who said you are representing Him, they carry that aggression and land it on you. Our world interprets a life of aggression as masculinity. When you are cool headed and you are temperate, the world looks at you as a weak person. They like people who are aggressive. In this Kingdom, learn from Jesus. There are times when you are strongest, when you look weakest and when you are strong and you can bring your strength under control, you are strong indeed.

When you have the power to do so much and you can restrain yourself, you deserve an applause by the whole world indeed for dexterity and excellent of your maturity. God had the power to call 10, 000 angles and yet, He was led like a sheep to the slaughter. This was the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David looking so weak. Let me tell you this; fear weak people. It was weakness that killed strength on the cross. When you see people look weak or act weak towards you, it is not that they are incapacitated, it is that they are working based on a higher level of light and intelligence.

As for me, I have made up my mind to live a peaceful life. A peaceful life is a goal that you can set and live a peaceful life within the time that you have, serving the purposes of the Kingdom. My proposal to you is that, you rise to a higher realm of living. There is a superior realm of living, above and beyond the grips of this kind mediocre living. There is living with excellence.

5. You must have a high degree of tolerance (Colossians 3:12). Tolerance is similar to forgiveness, except that tolerance means you are prepared now to have that offence happen again. The difference between forgiveness and tolerance is that, forgiveness is making accommodation for weakness. Tolerance means, you factor in that limitation and live with it because it will happen again and again.

There are people who you need to go beyond forgiving them, they will not change. Create a system of tolerance. Disappointment only comes when there are expectations. When there are no expectations, there is no disappointment. Some of the people that God is going to use to bless and lift you, let me tell you; for a major part of your relationship with them, you will feel like killing them and killing yourself. You will need to be tolerant until the day the grace that was on them for you comes to fruition. It was Dr Murdock that said, adaptation is proof of honour. You have to learn to adapt. The man who God has sent to help you and give you money to start out life, he is an angry man. Don’t forgive him, tolerate him. Endure as a faithful soldier.

You must be able to tolerate and forbear people. There are people who have been so broken and wounded in relationships, the moment they see anybody coming close, that fear comes. Give accommodation for people’s pain. Don’t just generalize and conclude. Just because people do not tell you their stories does not mean they do not have stories. I remember a man of God who wanted to invite me some years ago and he kept asking questions, “who is this, where is he coming from?” The people who were trying to encourage him to invite me, at a point they got fed up. They said, “what kind of man is this?” When the person reached me in anger, “Can you imagine, we wanted to give this man the privilege of having you and he was asking all kinds of senseless questions?” I said, “No! You may not know who had climbed his pulpit and caused a lot of pain to his membership. You may not know who has climbed his pulpit and used one hour to create something that took five years to correct. Allow the man to vets me.”

6. You have to become an active contributor to the growth of that relationship. You want to maintain relationships that count? You must be an active contributor to the growth of that relationships.

Parasitic relationships are self-centered and dangerous relationships. Unfortunately, our world is full of this kind of parasitic relationships, where the contribution is one sided. Do not be in a relationship where you are only receiving. It is a terrible thing for people to know you as a self-centered person. It is an ugly way to live. Nature teaches us that it is good giving and receiving that balances life. That why it pleases the Father so much when we love Him and worship Him because of who He is, not because of what we get.

I pray and I told God something and it is still my confession today, that I have never sought His face because of tea and bread. It is not fame or anointing or power that brought me to ministry. I came because I truly love Him and for the rest of my life, for as long as I have breath living in me, money, fame or reputation will never be motivations for my serving the Lord. I am amazed to see the things that drive people into ministry today. There are many people who seek Him simply because they said you will not fail when you seek Him. That’s an investment. I love Him with my life. It is an honour to serve His Majesty. You must change your perspective. It is powerful when you find selfless people who love you and love what you are doing just like that.

Be a selfless person. Life is a beautiful when you a giver. There is a law that when you give, it comes to you. But focus on the giving. It is more blessed to give, not just money. It is my prayer for everyone here that every relationship that you have now in your life and every association, you become an intentional contributor. You’ve heard me say that my greatest desire aside being a minister of the Gospel is that, by the grace and the mercy of God, that I can be a shoulder for someone to lean on. We don’t have all these lives, that if somebody is crying, let my hands at least be able to wipe the tears. Let me challenge you; do not allow this week from today till next Sunday happen without you doing something active and quality in the life of someone, especially someone undeserving.

7. Practice genuine love (Proverbs 10:12, John 13:35, 1 John 4:20). Your love life is the clearest Biblical index to measure your maturity. More than tongues, Rhema, Greek and Hebrew words – Love. When you love people who do not deserve to be loved, that is true love.

One of the secrets that I learned about walking in the anointing is that if you want to see the power of God manifest in such marvelous dimensions in your life, then you must be one who walks in genuine love, not selective love. Medical doctors are here, they will tell you that living in anger, bitterness, jealousy, all these things I have mentioned, they don’t just have spiritual side effects, they have medical side effects. You can literally dry up your bones. There are many sicknesses today that were not originally caused by demons, demons only found a door and cashed in on it to bring many people down to their knees and sadly many to the grave.

Association demands that you rid yourself off jealousy. It demands forbearance, forgiveness, you become an active contributor. Show me any man or woman by God who walks in keeping with these principles and remains alone or remain small and mediocre. No! It is a key to an excelling life and destiny. There are things about men you need to understand:
a). All men are men, no matter how great or anointed, the best of any and every man is still a man. So, there should be no surprises.

b). As flawed as men are, God still hid His treasures in them. The secret of working with men was found in the riddle of Samson; out of something strong, came something sweet. Samson passed to go and see a particular woman and he killed a lion and after seven days, the bees, they do not find a fresh green tree to put honey, they went and put honey inside the carcass. If you want the honey, you must be willing to endure the smell of that carcass. In the midst of the smell of that carcass, there is still honey in it. Out of that angry man, still there is an anointing that can lift you. Out of that self-centered relative, who does not care about you, one day his influence is able to open a door for you.

…and God called Abraham and Lot went with him. It is time for you to follow and follow sincerely and it is time for you to be followed to a safe haven. People should not follow you to doom and you should not follow men to destruction. Followership leads to glory and honour, not destruction. Pay attention to your association. There is no such thing as we have been together since birth. Throw away all those sentiments and be very unashamed. Let me give you an honest assignment:
a). Go and write the list of the top five people in your life who are the greatest contributors to your growth, your loving Jesus and excelling in life. Invest in those relationships.

I have taught it here; you cannot generalize relationships and treat everybody the same. Not everybody thinks you are a big deal. There are people today, Joshua Selman to them looks like one of the men of God. There are others, he is our relatives somewhere. There are others who believe that Joshua Selman is a gift from God to them. I will be stupid to treat all these groups of people the same way. I love everybody but I will not invest the same level of energy and passion into it. When you find people who make you a big deal under God, be unashamed to invest your time, energy and resources. There are people who are very casual in your life, construct your emotional energy. Don’t just throw your strength to anybody and be disappointed. If you don’t invest into any relationship, don’t expect returns. Don’t barge into people’s lives and expect that they give you the same place they are giving everyone.