What I Would Tell the Twenty-Something Woman Who Has Never Been in a Relationship

Addressed to the Single Twenty-Something Woman

It probably took all you had just to click the link to this article. There’s a part of you that’s weary of hearing assurances that “he will be worth the wait,” but there’s also a part of you that’s hoping the words on the screen would somehow alleviate the pain and help you understand what’s happening.

For starters, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. Second, I’d want to let you know that I’ve been in your seat. Whenever my phone buzzed with a message from a significant other, I rolled my eyes at the folks who advised me to “just keep waiting.” I’ve heard females boast about their “roster” of men, but I can’t even locate enough guys for a Tennis match between the sexes.

As I sat about giving love advise to all of my not-so-single friends, I often wondered why God forced me play the waiting game. I even planned out my future without a spouse. I became too independent, continuously cynical, and often doubted God’s goodness.

Nonetheless, there is cause for optimism.

You need to keep hope alive, my friend. No one who trusts in the Lord will ever be ashamed, the Bible promises in Psalm 25:3. Those who wait for You will never be ashamed, as it is said in other translations.

I know that the last thing you needed was for someone else to advise you to hold off. However, I am not advocating idly waiting about for the arrival of Prince Charming. If you will please wait patiently, I would really appreciate it. “At morning, Lord, You hear my cry; at morning I plead my cause to You and wait patiently,” it reads in Psalm 5:23. Later in Psalms, David prays, “Guide me in Your truth and instruct me; for You are the God of my salvation, on You [and only You] I wait anxiously day and night.” (Psalms 25:5)

While you wait, keep in mind that you are not just meandering about in the hopes that someone would notice you eventually. You’re hunkered down before God’s throne, waiting eagerly for him to work out the kinks in your life’s schedule. You put your faith in him, knowing that his methods, ideas, and plans are more lovely than anything you could ever dream up on your own.

The Ugly Truth is Where We Find the Light of Hope

While you wait, strengthen your connection with the Lord. I know you’ve heard this before, but it bears repeating. It’s sound counsel, but it’s tough to take on board every time.

In order to grow in my relationship with the Lord through this testing time, I had to let my guard down and share everything with Him. To be sure, I wish I had used that time to study the Bible and understand more about God’s nature, but I do feel that many barriers were removed as a result of my sharing with God the times and circumstances in which I felt anger, sadness, frustration, and uncertainty. I finally let God see the real me, the one who is not the “ideal Christian girl” who is certain to get a spouse from the Lord. Even though the development of my connection with my Father didn’t happen according to the plan laid forth by the Christian blogger who married at age 18, those genuine, raw times did improve my relationship with my Father.

I can still hear people saying, “He’s out there. It’s inevitable that you two will eventually cross paths. And this “encouragement,” being rooted in southern culture, usually took the shape of pitying sympathy rather than true support. Well, what about _? I would always counter with, remembering some of the most Christlike persons I know who were also single. Although she’s over forty and still single, her devotion to God surpasses that of any of us. (I should know; I was the most upbeat and positive member of the fruit family.)

However, I really can not understand the choice of singleness by certain individuals. I don’t claim to have all the answers, and I’m not sure what Paul meant by encouraging some people to remain single (1 Corinthians 7). On the other hand, I am aware of the fact that God declared in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good for a man to be alone. God is our Father, our friend, and our protector; I know this to be true. And I know that whatever He plans for His children will be full of joy, kindness, and hope.

Negativity is like poison to hope.

So, my friend, yes, you, the woman in her twenties who doubts she’ll ever have a partner, much alone get married, try not to get negative. Inheriting such a pessimistic outlook will have a negative impact on every facet of your life. You shouldn’t eat at the table of despair; it’s tempting, but it’ll just make you feel worse and farther away from genuine community and fulfillment.

You may go into the arms of your Father when you’ve had enough of everyone else’s social media posts with their boyfriends trending or their coffee shop tangents railing about how amazing their new spouse is. I can affirm from my experience that you may cast all of your questions, concerns, self-pitying, wrath, and worry into His loving arms and they will sustain you.

He is the perfect person to have by your side during a challenging time since he is sympathetic, generous, and devoted. He is unconcerned with the future since he already knows when and how he will answer your requests, but he will never ignore your current grief, rage, or anger. He has no concern for your weaknesses and complaints.

Whatever he has planned for you, it will be wonderful. That much you can count on from me.

And if you aren’t in the mood to hear from me, a lady who has come out on the other side of adversity, I’ll leave you with words of comfort from God’s hand-crafted, heaven-inspired Word:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for good for those who love him and who[a] are called according to his plan. In Romans 8:28 (NIV)