Husbands: Wives, stop attempting to change them

Wives, you need to give up trying to make your husbands different

Raise your hand if you have been sucked in by the never-ending temptation to make your husband into someone different. To me, that’s like asking him to give up his extroverted nature and adopt a more reserved one (like mine). This is convincing him to start drinking smoothies, green juices, and other healthful concoctions in an effort to improve his diet and lifestyle. He’s being warned to be “more careful” with our kids, even though they were having the time of their lives.

Some wives devote a significant amount of energy on influencing their husbands’ behavior. Nothing good can come from trying this; it’s a waste of time and energy. However, the most important thing to remember is that it is not God’s plan for wives to devote their entire lives to influencing their husbands to change. Don’t misunderstand; this doesn’t mean wives can’t advise or correct their husbands. Quite the opposite, in fact. Quite frequently, your husband will seek out your counsel and direction. In any case, you shouldn’t let your criticism of him lower his esteem in your eyes. It’s important that it’s polite.

“Nevertheless, let everyone of you so love his own wife that he would have her regard him as much as he would respect himself,” the Bible says. Scripture reference: (5:33 of Ephesians)

The wives are obliged to honor their husbands. Making an effort to change your husband’s personality is not a sign of respect. Your husband, on the other hand, feels stigmatized and disregarded. His pride has been hurt. Keep in mind that you must treat this person with the utmost deference and submission, just as you would the Lord Himself (Ephesians 5:22). As a result, it is not your place to try to change who he is at heart. Five things to keep in mind if you find yourself wanting to alter your partner.

A man can only be changed by God (or Woman)

Like the flow of rivers, the king’s heart is in the hands of the Lord, and He directs it wherever He will. Proverbs 21:1

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You may have attempted to persuade your husband to give up a certain habit, but he keeps going back to it despite your best efforts to get him to change. It’s quite irritating, and you may begin to doubt your ability to sway their opinion no matter how hard you try. To God be the glory, the fate of your husband’s soul is in His hands (and not yours). God alone has the power to change his mind. After all, it was he who fashioned his internal organs (including his heart) and wrapped him in protective sac during gestation (Psalm 139:13).

Nothing you say or do will ever convince your husband to change. If he does, he will likely feel resentful and it will have a negative impact on your relationship. Therefore, if you truly want your husband to change, the greatest person to pray to is God.

And know that God is an adept at changing people’s minds. He can change the direction of any heart. In the Old Testament, God made a promise to the Israelites that He would give them a heart of flesh instead of a heart of stone (Ezekiel 11:19). David likewise pleaded with God to give him a pure spirit (Psalm 51:10). In matters of the heart, it is preferable to let God handle things. He knows what he’s talking about.

You Can Be A Role Model For The Alteration You Seek

So, wives, submit to your own husbands so that, even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they watch your chaste behaviour accompanied by dread. (1 Peter 3:1-2).

Lucy’s heart was set on having her husband, David, come to their weekly Bible study with her and the kids. Typically, David would be hard at work on his computer. Lucy understood that his profession kept him very busy and required him to bring his duties home on a regular basis. She decided against bothering him and instead prayed that God would make time in his schedule so he could participate in their study. After witnessing Lucy’s commitment to instilling Christian values in her charges, David’s restlessness intensified. He made up his mind that he would never miss Bible study again. Lucy could have left him with no further explanation. Her husband’s attitude changed as a result of her kindly behavior.

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When all else fails, a pause can be the deciding factor. The majority of men dislike it when their spouses make all the decisions for them. King Solomon made the astute observation that he would rather live in a remote part of the roof than in the same dwelling with a woman prone to strife (Proverbs 21:9). Most guys find it quite annoying when women are constantly nagging and bothering them. They make a turtle’s face and disappear into their shells. Contrarily, seeing their wives doing the right thing can motivate their husbands to follow suit.

Third, he may lose faith in you if you betray it.

Her spouse has complete faith in her, which means he will never be short of material resources. Reference: (Proverbs 31:11)

The world is a tough place, and your husband has to overcome a lot to make a living. There are many things that might put a damper on your day, including a botched job project, self-doubt, peer pressure, betrayal, and financial restraints. Did it ever occur to you that you’re his safe haven when the storms rage? He longs for the chance to let his guard down in front of you.

But if he lets his guard down and you start criticising him and pressuring him to change, you can bet that he will shut down his emotions before you can say “I’m sorry.” He loses faith in you and stops confiding in you about his deepest emotions. In the end, he will no longer trust you.

Respect one another’s unique qualities.

“Let love rule in your hearts, and be patient with one another, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” According to the Scriptures (Ephesians 4:2)

I keep a tender heart behind lock and key, but my husband’s heart of steel is a welcome relief. Whenever there’s too much going on in my immediate vicinity, I tend to become overwhelmed, yet he seems unfazed by it. When I am down, he is there to pick me up. He thinks I’m quite insightful, which he finds endearing. I’ve pulled him away from fruitless initiatives on multiple occasions and warned him about persons with malicious intentions. However, our dissimilarities can serve as a source of contention.

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If everyone was exactly the same, life would be boring and uninteresting. Those who prefer to work alone are just as valuable as those who thrive in groups. Each of you brings something unique to the relationship, and your differences strengthen it. Accept your husband as he is and learn to enjoy the benefits his quirks bring to the relationship. The same goes for him; he should follow suit.

Opt for Love That Isn’t Conditional

Love “endureth long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not flaunt itself, is not puffed up; is not rude, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no ill; rejoices not in iniquity, but in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (First Corinthians 13:4-7)

Those who have been married for any length of time quickly come to terms with the fact that love is not just an emotion, but rather a choice. Once the excitement of the wedding and honeymoon has worn off, a new chapter in the life of the couple begins. Today, love isn’t an emotional high but a deliberate choice. Even the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13 doesn’t always go well. It accounts for the possibility of difficulties. It requires you to endure hardship for a long time, to give up trying to find your own way, and to take it all in stride. A wife who truly loves her husband would never try to alter his character. All his flaws and all your affection for him, it says.

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