5 Ways to Stop Jealousy When You’re Remarried

5 Ways to Conquer Jealousy in a Second Marriage

It was a happy occasion when I remarried after the passing of my first spouse, who had passed away.
I had found someone else to love me, and they were someone who genuinely cared about my children.
We both came into the marriage having a history because I had married a man who had been previously married and then divorced.

When I was married to my high school love for the first time, I was twenty years old.
We had both never been in relationships that were very serious in the past, and I had never wrestled with feelings of jealousy toward other women.
When I married my second husband, I had to come to terms with the reality that he had been married before, and not to a stranger or someone in another country; he had been married to the woman who gave birth to his one and only child.
Someone who would become an important influence on my life at this point.

Before we got together, I was aware of his history, but for some reason, it didn’t seem to affect me at all.
I dived headfirst into their social media past and imprinted in my memory photographs of them together, activities they had done together, and the idea that at one point, they had been in love. This was before I made the error that was the worst of all my mistakes.
This was not beneficial in any way.
Although I am aware that a lot of people get divorced and then get remarried, I believe that envy can be a sneaky killer in second marriages.
If we give in to our natural inclination to probe too deeply and let our curiosity get the better of us, we risk jeopardizing the new relationship and causing damage that cannot be undone.
If we go into the relationship with an untrusting heart or the concern that our partner may still have feelings for their ex-partner, it is possible that the relationship will suffer as a result.

Before my husband passed away, we had been married for 13 years and were very happy together, so the concept of divorce was foreign to me.
I am thankful that I was spared the need to go through that since I have seen firsthand the devastation that something like that can create, particularly in youngsters.

On the other hand, I am aware that when we give God permission to remold and refresh our lives, He bestows grace and new life onto us.

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So, let’s define jealousy.
“harboring feelings of envy and bitterness” is one meaning of the word.
This is a sinful act that brings about unpleasant effects, not only for ourselves but also for those in our immediate environment.
It is said in the 13th verse of 1 Corinthians that “love does not envy.”
We are taught to love our neighbors as much as we love ourselves, which requires us to refrain from feeling resentful or envious of the possessions or opportunities that others enjoy.

In the event that the couple has previously been married, it is simple to feel envious of the prior experiences they have had together, the love that they have shared, and the life that they have experienced.
Despite the fact that their connection was solely predicated on their child, I couldn’t help but feel envious of their present-day friendship.
When he was with her or talking to her, it made me feel envious of him.
I had never been in a relationship with a man who had a significant other relationship with another woman.
It was giving me a lot of cause for envy, and I just couldn’t seem to get rid of it.

This was difficult for me to understand because I was likewise envious of something that had happened in the past but was no longer happening.
I was aware that my participation in this activity was pointless, but my adversary had a strong grip on me.
I couldn’t help but feel resentful that I hadn’t married him first.
I was envious of his previous relationship with her and the fact that he already had a child with her before he had a child with me.
These are the genuine and unfiltered feelings that I was going through at the time, and I want to be free of them.

Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and slander of every kind, as it is written in 1 Peter 2:1.
Peter is elaborating on what it means to have a holy life.
A life lived devoid of these characteristics would not end in death but rather lead to actual life.

When we allow ourselves to maintain an attitude of envy, we make it more difficult for God to work in our lives.
Because we are concentrating on unpleasant feelings and emotions and allowing them to rob us of joy, we are unable to find inner calm and satisfaction in our daily lives.
God wants you to pull yourself up out of this pit and focus your attention on the things that are higher.
Paul instructs us to “put to death whatever belongs to earthly nature” (Colossians 3:5), telling us that this includes feelings of envy and jealousy.

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“Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” are the virtues that God desires for us to cultivate in ourselves.
(1 Col 3:12)

God is commanding you to love your husband’s ex-wife and to refrain from harboring any jealous feelings toward them or their current relationship with your husband.


Here are five strategies to help you get over envy when you’ve remarried:

  1. Keep Your Eyes on the Road Ahead, Not the Road Behind You

When we dwell on things that have transpired in the past, all it does is hurt us in the present and the future.
It is damaging to allow our brains to concentrate on wicked thoughts, and doing so can rip any peace that we have right out from under us.
The events of the past are unchangeable.
It is a choice that we need to make consciously if we are going to stop letting our brains to go to these dark regions and linger there.
It is possible for the Lord to assist us in refocusing our attention on the things that are in the heavens.
But there is a choice involved.
It is imperative that we continually subjugate our ideas and offer them up to the Lord in worship.
(1 Cor 10:5)
Put all of your attention on your new life, including your new family and the future you share with your new husband.
This will be a source of vitality for you, and it will provide calm to your soul.

  1. Beg the Lord to forgive you, and then continue on your journey.

We are fighting against a genuine adversary who seeks to obstruct us and imprison us in sin.
He wants our thoughts to be centered on the earlier things rather than the things that are further on up.
When we acknowledge that our actions constitute sin and ask God for forgiveness, He wipes the slate clean and gives us permission to walk in freedom from the destructive habits of living a life characterized by jealously.
You should pray to God that he will cleanse you of your sinful nature and give you the fortitude to change your path and go in the opposite direction.

  1. Talk it Out

It may help to bring you out of the pit you’re in and give you a different perspective on the situation if you talk to a trusted friend or counselor about the feelings of envy you’re now experiencing.
They might be able to convince you that continuing to behave in this manner would not alter the events of the past but will simply make your future more difficult, particularly with your new spouse.

  1. Only Act in a Trusting Manner

Make an effort to refrain from asking an excessive amount of inquiries or probing into their past.
Exude nothing but trust and understanding in the event that your partner need time alone with their new partner instead of spending it with you.
They will find it easier to deal with this challenge if they are aware that they are trusted. This is another challenge for them.
Trust is a choice, so rather than choosing to dwell in the shadowy realms of jealousy, make the option to trust.

  1. Get to Know the Other Person

I discovered that the more I integrated the woman who had previously been married to my husband into my life, the less envious I became of her.
I started getting to know her, including her in our activities, and incorporating her into our family dynamic.
By doing this, I was able to shift my perception of her from that of an adversary to that of a friend.
I am aware that this may be challenging or even impossible in some circumstances.
If, on the other hand, we make an effort to be the source of light and love in the new dynamic of the family, then we can ideally motivate this individual to do the same.
Even if you receive no loving response from them because they are having trouble adjusting to having you in their life at the same time, continue to love them.
Maintain your compassion, tenderness, and love while you go about your day.

Remarriage introduces a whole new set of complex dynamics.
They are intricate, and the difficulties that come with living a normal life can be overbearing at times.
We are better able to concentrate on the things that are important if we make an effort to rid ourselves of feelings of jealousy and envy.
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