Emma Benoit shares her journey through depression, anxiety, and salvation via a relationship with Christ after she contemplated suicide.
Emma Benoit, a citizen of Louisiana, recalls that throughout her early adolescence, she wore a permanent grin on her face “as a façade” to hide her profound persistent unhappiness.
Benoit stated that although she and her family of four were devout Christians, she put her religion on the back burner throughout her teenage years in favor of gaining attention and admiration from her classmates.
She joined the varsity cheerleading squad in high school and quickly had an abundance of close friends. Sadly, she never received treatment for her mental disorder.
She broke the facade of “the always-happy-person” over the summer before her senior year of high school in 2017, saying that she just couldn’t fake it any longer.
During the summer of 2016, Benoit tried to take her own life by shooting herself in the chest with a gun that belonged to her father. She had injuries that rendered her unable to work again.
To go about, 22-year-old Benoit needs a wheelchair and a walker due to her gunshot wounds. She credits God for giving her another opportunity at life, and this has strengthened her faith in God as a result of the ordeal.
In 2018, one year after her attempt, Benoit informed CP that she had decided to devote her life to Christ. As an advocate for better mental health services, she is actively working to reduce the number of suicides.
Benoit collaborated with the American Association of Christian Counselors to film a testimonial during September’s Suicide Prevention Month to raise awareness about mental health issues.
The friends I met in grade school and middle school weren’t true friends of mine since I was so self-conscious and anxious. Benoit said, “The character I was playing wasn’t always myself.
In spite of the fact that I seemed to have a lot of friends on the surface, I felt like an imposter inside and never really felt happy. That’s a really lonely place to be. Why? Because I was afraid no one would like me if I was genuine. I was afraid that if I let them see another part of myself, they would reject me. Reputation management was a huge helping in my meal. And I tried my hardest to cover up any telltale signs.
A sense of being all alone
Benoit said that she “was battling very seriously with depression and anxiety and I had no clue that’s what I was dealing with” when she was younger and also felt very alone in the world.
“Even at a young age, I had a hard time dealing with social pressure, insecurity, and low self-esteem. I was probably 12 at the time and had grown up in a culture where such topics were taboo. Benoit reflected over how difficult the situation had been.
Benoit noted that anxiety was “crippling dread and emotion” for her as an adolescent, and that despair was constantly in the background.
Those emotions started to consume me from the inside out. And of course, as time went on, I didn’t outgrow those sentiments. To some extent, they matured with me. She said, “Without the information and a community that was welcoming of that dialogue, it was incredibly difficult for me to navigate my own mental health path.
That which was outwardly apparent was deemed crucial.
Benoit noted that before she accepted Christ, she relied on external validation—what other people thought of her—for a “short-lived sense of confidence.”
Benoit said, “I placed a lot of stress and value into the way I looked, into how well I was doing, and it really formed a person who was never really comfortable in themselves, who was never really confident.”
False assurance since it was founded entirely on the appraisals of others, I realized afterwards. The only way I’m going to feel good about myself is if other people tell me I’m fantastic,” she added, “and that was really difficult to believe.
To paraphrase, “I spent much of my time in high school feeling that nothing was going to change and that there was no use in trying. This is how the rest of my life is going to be for me. It’s incredibly long-lasting. And the more they festered, ignored and unspoken, the more intense those sentiments became.
The attempt at suicide
Benoit claimed that she was alone in the house on the night of her suicide attempt since her parents were both at work.
Benoit felt the onset of a panic attack and immediately dialed her mother’s number. Her mother placed her on wait while she took another call for work during their conversation.
Benoit described picking up her father’s rifle and shooting herself in the chest during the brief time she was put on hold.
Her mother put the call on hold, and when she attempted to go back to it, she saw that Benoit had gone silent. When she got off work and went home, she found Benoit passed out on the floor.
“My mom informed me that when I didn’t answer the phone that night, she got a terrible sense that something terrible had occurred. “She claims that her mother’s intuition or a “higher force” told her that she needed to return home,” Benoit added.
While I was briefly awake, my mother entered the room and collapsed to her knees, exclaiming, “Oh, my god.” This is the moment I remember clearly: “When my mother entered the room, I broke out of sleep for a little minute and I remember her coming into the room and collapsing to her knees. holy crap, you have to keep breathing! I can still remember it well. However, I can no longer recall anything more from that day.
Her mom hurried her off to the emergency room. Benoit’s spinal cord was injured due to a blood clot created by the severing of her carotid artery. During the procedure to fix the artery, she had many strokes as well.
Benoit claims that God’s “divine intervention” in the form of her mother’s quick return that night was the reason she is still alive.
Truthfully, that was one of the first miracles in my account. Benoit went on, “Because I hadn’t mentioned being suicidal, and nobody knew that I was thinking that way, until I made the attempt.
The Pursuit of Religious Harmony and World Peace
Benoit told CP that Christianity has altered her outlook on life and the meaning of happiness.
After being spared, I figured there must be a purpose to my survival. So,” she said, “I simply resolved to spend all my time, effort, and energy into knowing more about God, the Bible, and Christ.
I am really appreciative of this trip. Having experienced this shift, my perspective has shifted dramatically. Just maybe I have a different perspective. The reality that we are fallible human beings whose responsibility it is not to repair ourselves is, I think, at the heart of it all. To succeed in this world, we need more than just ourselves.
Benoit has remarked that her faith in Christ, of which she is a nondenominational member, has been a guiding light as she makes her way back to health.
I’ve been able to leave everything to God and trust on Him entirely and absolutely, which has been quite important in my rehabilitation. “While I may not be able to pray away my sadness, I have learned that I can use the resources that I think God has given us in this life to go forward in a new manner,” Benoit remarked.
Benoit has been seeing a therapist since her suicide attempt, and she credits Jesus for being her compass.
“I think that some tools that God gifted us with include therapists, counselors, instructors, information, education, and medicine — which are all fantastic things that may assist us to break through,” Benoit added.
According to me, these are the talents and abilities that God has given us so that we may support one another in this life. Since I now have hope, I also believe that my outlook on life as a whole has changed. I also know that this place isn’t meant to be our permanent residence.
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